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Middle Aged "Twits" 

40-50 year-olds have adopted Twitter as their social-networking tool of choice

I'm not surprised that the fastest-growing group of "Twits" are middle-aged, moderately successful urbanites. This group of over-40s has come late into the whole social networking thing, and embraced the simple one-liner broadcast style of Twitter: "Hey, this is great, I can fiddle with my expensive new phone during meetings (booooring), in front of cocktail waitresses (yesss, it IS a zebra-striped iPhone, a little something I picked up in Munich), at movies (I always knew I'd make a good critic), about politics (even Sarah Palin is a Twit) and even moan about the parenting skills of others (you should see the way these delinquents are dressed here at the mall)..."

The best part? Not only do these (pant)-suit wearing hipsters get to finally "out-cool" (guffaw) their kids with their mastery of the snappy one-liner, but unlike the sites the "kids" use, there are no pics required (after all, Mommy was a size six in college), no songs to put up (daddy never did get past a D-chord, he was too busy working on his MBA) and no risk of a spousal extra-marital hook-up like that awful Facebook!

The red sports car has been replaced by the furious tap-tap-tapping of 40-to-50-year-olds as they sit on the commuter train, brimming with anticipation at the kudos they'll receive around the water-cooler for their great zinger about the stupid punk kid with a bone through her nose. You can hear the laughter and bask in the pre-appreciation of your colleagues even as you type...tap-tap-tap.

Even your criticism of your children's poor spelling has gone out the window as you battle to fit a great stock tip you overheard at Starbucks into 140 characters, a shoe-in to impress the boss. Yur so Clv-r! —John Peer, Stillwater Lake

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