March Madness Day 5: Club Soda vs Orange Crush and Salt & Vinegar vs Sun Chips

What are you, healthy?

Top of the muffin to you! Have you figured our what we're up to yet? The Coast's annual March Madness madness has the best and worst in pop and chips battling for bragging rights. Considering there's absolutely no prize, it's a heated competition that's inspired my movie-watching snacks until the end of time. If you'd like a little bit of back story, read this.

Our team of snack lovers/newspaper editors ranked the the "top" (I use this term loosely, because where my kettle chips at?) 16 in both the sweet and salty (or liquid and solid) conferences, and for the next couple of weeks we'll watch as they duke it out at the hands of all your hungry people.

Look at this delicious bracket:

Before we move on to Day 5's glorious matches, let's talk about yesterday. It turns out I was biting my nails for nothing because the rare species known as Grape Pop Fans failed miserably, resulting in a 64-29 loss that has the fourth ranked Root Beer moving on to the next round. The only thing that could make this news any better would be topping it with a scoop of ice cream.

Moving on from bottles to bags, our strange Styrofoam friend Munchos crumbled at the mere sight of the red hot Canadian idol Ketchup, losing by another embarrassing score of 60 votes to 29 votes. Another fourth seed moves forward, another questionable snack eliminated. Condiments ftw!

Today brings two pretty great fancy vs trashy face-offs (fancy in the processed food world, that is). On the drinkable side of the bracket we have the fifth-ranked, but sugar underdog, Club Soda taking on the 12th place Orange Crush. If I put my nostalgia aside, I think our sparkling friend Club Soda is a better all-around player, a versatile veteran in the fizz game. I guess it comes down to whether you like your citrus in artificial or wedge form. Are you 40 at heart, or a pre-teen? You decide.

It's much more classic when it comes to today's chip competition. One of the first ever potato chip flavours, Salt & Vinegar, takes on 12th seed and multi-grain wimp, Sun Chips. I actually love both of these mediocre snacks and sort of think it's anybody's game. Sun Chips has its multiple flavours going for it—French Onion? Harvest Cheddar? Garden Salsa?—plus that compostable bag, but can its "healthy" ripples fuck with true OG, S&V, one of the only chip flavours that actually tastes like what it's named?

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