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Come all ye faithful 

Mass orgasms won’t save the world, says Lezlie Lowe.

Don’t miss this one-time-only offer! For a limited time, get your rocks off for peace. Act now. This deal won’t last long.

The date is December 22, winter solstice. Book it in your calendar and here’s the plan: all men and women are supposed to have an orgasm while concentrating on world peace. You can do it any time during that 24-hour period (and you ought to try especially hard if you live in a country with weapons of mass destruction).

This “synchronized global orgasm” should, if all goes according to the hopes and plans of the folks at “effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth.”

To the nut: orgasm = peace.

The thought makes me squirm.

What’s troubling isn’t wishing for peace, of course. It’s that people might think they can jack off once, and then literally and figuratively wash their hands assuming they’ve done their part ending aggression.

Am I a sex cynic? No. I believe in the power of orgasm.

People seek far and wide for the big O. Orgasms drive people to spend money, risk disease, forget school work. Orgasm is powerful. But my scheduled five minute solstice Friday foray on top of the bedclothes isn’t going to give George W Bush second thoughts about “staying the course” in Iraq, no matter what founders Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell wish (they’re the duo behind the Baring Witness global peace demonstrations, which saw worldwide activists lie naked in fields spelling out “Peace”).

The problem with this orgasm scheme is not that individual actions can’t have global scope, nor that one-off events can’t be consequential. Buy local food, become a literacy tutor at your nearest library branch and walk to work instead of driving and you make positive change.

It’s not that tonnes of people orgasming on the same day might not affect global energy. The earth may well move December 22 (Princeton University’s Global Consciousness Project is going to record data on the event to figure that out, and if you visit and can figure out how they plan to do it, I’d be tickled pink to be let in on that delicate knowledge).

My beef doesn’t stem from ignorance, either. I believe in the benefits of traditionally incalculable aspects of well-being, such as knowing one’s neighbours, feeling secure in one’s job, seeing public art, knowing there are bulbs planted in the backyard that will bloom in spring and, yes, orgasms.

My problem with coming for peace lies here: this global orgasm plot is spreading like porn spam. It’s everywhere. And I’m worried that if people get on board with this thing they’ll feel like they’re actually doing something about peace when they’re not.

Screwing isn’t doing your part. Violence and aggression are largely political; it takes political engagement to counter them. Start by voting, for god’s sake. Try writing a letter. It’ll take less time than a good fuck.

Orgasming for peace—mass orgasming for peace, even—may be nice. It may add “concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth.” So by all means, if you want to get your rocks off December 22, do. I’ll join you. And I’ll think about peace while I do it.

But not because it’s a solution. A global orgasm is barely a means of introducing the concept of peace. The notion has scarcely a hope of initiating a meaningful conversation about real ways of changing our world for the better. It’s well-meaning gimmickry.

It’s a quickie. And not in the good sense of the word.

participating in the global o? Email:

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