Candy review: Halloween Kisses

It’s rare that you run across a “candy” so vile it has a disgusting urban myth regarding its origin. Halloween Kisses are exactly that candy. The party line was that at the end of Halloween candy season, the excess bags of Halloween Kisses would get shipped back to the manufacturer, where they’d be tossed into a giant vat, wrappers and all, melted down with more...toffee? Molasses? And repurposed into next year’s treats. You can picture it, right? You’d never believe that about mini Snickers. Throughout my trick or treating career, it would always go the same way: I’d quickly sift through my bag of treats and get those wax wrapped nuggets out of my sight, fobbing them immediately off to my dad, who somehow liked them. Especially confusing because, to my knowledge, my dad would never sip the brown liquor from a spittoon filled with discarded chaw—Halloween Kisses’ closest flavour profile. I guess there’s some appeal in rooting for the underdog—waste not, want not, I get it—but even I have a greater respect for my tastebuds than that, and this is coming from someone who regularly eats microwaveable No Name burritos.