A Q&A with Earl Grey

This federal election’s failed four-legged candidate sits down with The Coast.

Finally, a politician we can trust. - MATT BUSTIN
Finally, a politician we can trust.

Halifax's own Earl Grey was vying to be the one scratching the furniture at 24 Sussex Drive. We caught up with the famous feline post-election to chat about his aspirations and his brother's legacy.

What was the most important point in your election platform?

I only have one point: Update the animal cruelty section of the Criminal Code of Canada. It was written in 1892. Even in cat years that was a long time ago!

What's your key to a strong cabinet?

A strong cabinet requires plenty of glue and nails. None of that pressed wood stuff either—you need real wood that you can sink your claws into.

How did you unwind after a long day on the campaign trail?

I find chasing my tail works for me, or the little red dot. Some day I'm going to catch the little red dot and beat the snot out of it.

What would have been your first action as prime minister?

Installing a litter box in my office.

How do you honour your brother Tuxedo Stan's legacy? [Stan ran for mayor of Halifax in 2012 and died the following year.]

I honour my brother's legacy by continuing to fight for the welfare of animals. I know he'd be proud of my accomplishments.

How can Halifax better address the feral cat crisis?

You can only do something better when you've actually done something. I have friends on city council, but city staff are dragging their butts on the formation of a Domestic Animal Advisory Committee. Personally, I only drag my butt when I have worms.

Many candidates have dropped out of the election due to social media gaffes—are there skeletons in your closet you're worried about?

Next question, please.

Who was your closest opponent in this election?

The guy with the nice hair, although I believe mine is better and I have more of it, too.

Why didn't you attend any federal debates?

I would have but I wasn't invited. I think they were afraid I'd steal the show.

Don't you think that your support for vets is pandering for the feline vote?

Maybe. What's pandering?

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