Nothing need be "proven in court" because Stoffer hasn't been charged with, or even accused of, a crime. He's been accused of inappropriate behavior, which isn't illegal. Whether you believe the accusation or not is entirely up to you, regardless of the fact that he unreservedly admitted that they are true. Go watch the video on CBC and hear the words out of his own mouth.
Also, it may astonish you to learn that people are allowed to talk about their own experiences, even publicly, without having proof that those experiences occurred. If Chad Dudebro follows me into the bathroom at a party when nobody's looking and grabs my breast, the fact that I can't prove he did it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to tell anyone,or everyone. It's up to the police, if I decide to go to them, to decide if charges are warranted. Only then can there be talk of "proven in court".
I watched the video of Stoffer's apology on CBC. You're right. He didn't make excuses. Some print media spins it as if he did, but the words out of his own mouth belie that impression. I stand corrected. The apology is good enough for me. I can only speak for myself, but as far as I'm concerned, any man who acknowledges past douchebaggery and expresses a sincere desire to do better gets a clean slate.
You keep saying it was accepted at the time. The point you are missing, "dear", is that it was accepted BY MEN. When you can wrap your mind around the idea that women's distaste for this "accepted" behavior MATTERED, that women's non-acceptance of it was just as much a part of the context you so blithely reference, as men's acceptance, then you will have begun the journey toward not thinking like a sexist.
And don't call me "dear". That kind of condescending, patronizing crap is an earmark of the attitude you claim is a relic of the past.
You can disagree all you want. It was not acceptable to the women who were the targets of it. That's a fact. Facts are not contingent upon your agreement or disagreement. It was acceptable to the men who were doing it, obviously. And it would still be acceptable to those men if women weren't finally raising holy hell about it.
Vengeance? Yeah, a little. There are a couple of men I'd personally like to wreak some vengeance on. Like the superintendent of the first apartment building I lived alone in, in 1983, who "joked" to me that he had the master keys and could let himself into any apartment at any time. But for the most part, all we want is an apology. That, and acknowledgment. If you're a man who has treated women like chew toys in the past, OWN IT. Get on top of it, especially if you're a public figure. Just grit your teeth and say, "I have behaved inappropriately and disrespectfully toward women in the past. I now understand that it was wrong, and I am sorry." Stoffer almost did the right thing, but his apology is soured by the making of excuses. Just own it, apologize and mean it, and do better. That's all we want.
This is not a case of something that was "an acceptable practice" at the time. This was never OK. Never. I'm in my 50's, and women and girls have been talking about this behavior and the men who engage in it, about how to avoid them and how to protect ourselves and each other from them, since I was a teenager. Men didn't do this because they thought women didn't mind it. They did it because they COULD. But it was NEVER OK. Women just never had the power to stop it. Now we do.
OP, you are my hero. Thank you so much for sharing this. Stories like yours give other women the courage to fight back. I know the next time some douche shouts something obscene at me, I'll be ready. Hopefully with a fancy milkshake.
Not surprised, hellakitty. It just seems that if a store is selling out of a certain size, whatever it might be, that store would stock MORE of that size in the future so they could SELL more of it. It seems stupid that stores continue to overstock one size and understock another. All value judgements aside, that's just not good business.
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Also, it may astonish you to learn that people are allowed to talk about their own experiences, even publicly, without having proof that those experiences occurred. If Chad Dudebro follows me into the bathroom at a party when nobody's looking and grabs my breast, the fact that I can't prove he did it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to tell anyone,or everyone. It's up to the police, if I decide to go to them, to decide if charges are warranted. Only then can there be talk of "proven in court".
You keep saying it was accepted at the time. The point you are missing, "dear", is that it was accepted BY MEN. When you can wrap your mind around the idea that women's distaste for this "accepted" behavior MATTERED, that women's non-acceptance of it was just as much a part of the context you so blithely reference, as men's acceptance, then you will have begun the journey toward not thinking like a sexist.
And don't call me "dear". That kind of condescending, patronizing crap is an earmark of the attitude you claim is a relic of the past.
Vengeance? Yeah, a little. There are a couple of men I'd personally like to wreak some vengeance on. Like the superintendent of the first apartment building I lived alone in, in 1983, who "joked" to me that he had the master keys and could let himself into any apartment at any time. But for the most part, all we want is an apology. That, and acknowledgment. If you're a man who has treated women like chew toys in the past, OWN IT. Get on top of it, especially if you're a public figure. Just grit your teeth and say, "I have behaved inappropriately and disrespectfully toward women in the past. I now understand that it was wrong, and I am sorry." Stoffer almost did the right thing, but his apology is soured by the making of excuses. Just own it, apologize and mean it, and do better. That's all we want.