How many people have you slept with?
The first time hubby and I broached this topic we were dating a week or two and I avoided it because I knew anything close to the truth was going to cause a problem, and I really liked this guy. I had no issue with my number, no regrets of my past, but given societal stereotypes I knew that it would cause judgment and fear. A woman who has slept with “too many” people, or is sexually aggressive, or dresses in a fashion that people deem provocative is labelled a slut and whore. When the time came to provide “my number” I don’t even remember what I said. I hated that it mattered. I hate that it still matters. So, I don’t remember what number I said that night. But, I do remember that it was almost the end of us.
I lost my virginity at 14 to a guy who I was dating. I met my husband when I was 24, and in those 10 years between I was mostly single, with a few relationships thrown in there. And, when I was single I enjoyed having sex. I understood the importance of practicing safe sex, and I never felt pressured to do something that I didn’t want to; I was never sexually assaulted or abused.
So, why live this kind of lifestyle? Why tolerate the judgement and name calling? For me, I liked feeling strong by not letting other people’s thoughts control what I do. And there was the power given by being able to choose my partner, and being able to turn down people who I didn’t want. It also provided acceptance and desire, and those are things that people want on a daily basis and go about achieving in many different ways. Those things combined meant that I had sex with 80-100 people. I can’t name them all; I can’t even remember them all if I tried. Desire and power are pretty big reasons a lot of people do a lot of things; run for politics, go to war, fall in love; so why not have sex?
Don’t worry I know what most of you are thinking. “You are a bit of a slut; That sounds like a lot of people; You don’t even remember them all??” But, I was doing what I wanted to do, I was safe, and my business wasn’t hurting anyone else. But, when a female lives like this she is judged, and judged much more harshly than any man is.
This judgment and secrecy that society causes means that females cannot feel free to do what they may want to do. And, for those who do have a lot of sexual partners they often feel ashamed, and that they are not good enough, or that they deserve whatever they get. We need females to feel empowered, we need society to stop being so stupid about sex! Let’s build our girls up instead of tear them down by slut shaming and name calling. Sex is sex—it is a physical act. It does not change a person’s worth, it does not make a person better or worse than anyone else, and it does not deserve to be judged.