You know who you are

I've been in the bar business as an owner for over 25 years. I've seen people do some stupid things. However, last Wednesday night at a popular Karaoke night this individual gets our "lowest class act" award in over a quarter century. This idiot stole a bottle of Yager from behind our bar. Congrats, buddy, your friends must be real proud of you for pulling a stunt like that. Now that you've had your fun, why don't you show the world some REAL CLASS and get a new bottle and return it to the bar? I'll write back to this paper and tell everyone that you had the balls to step up and do the right thing. Think how proud of you they'll be now? You'll be a goddamn hero! We'll forgive you and I'll even treat you to the first double out of the bottle. C'mon, man... you got the balls? I'm here every morning after 10:00. —The Owner