Restaurant Etiquette

As a server I am sick of dealing with stupid people who don't know how to behave in a restaurant. For you here are a few simple steps to not be quite so hated.

1. When there is a 'please wait to be seated' sign, please do just that. Also, when you do not wait to be seated and sit your ass down at a dirty table, do not yell at me to clean it and ask where your menu is.
2. If you have children, control them. Do not let them run around, scream and make a mess.
3. Gratuities: Where to begin. It is a service standard to leave 15% . If you have shitty service tell your server, and leave what you believe is deserved. However, if you have great service don't rave about the service to your server and leave a shitty tip. It's insulting.
4. If you require something from your server do not whistle, snap or make any other obnoxious noises to get their attention. We are people after all, not animals.
5. If there is a problem with your food tell us when we quality check. Do not tell us it's fine when we ask then tell us otherwise when you've finished. At this point it is not okay to bitch and ask for a discount. You ate it all!
6. Buffets: It will never cease to amaze me how even the most seemingly intelligent person can behave with such stupidity when they are presented with a buffet. Open your eyes before asking me where cutlery, plates and napkins are. You just look stupid when they're right in front of you. Also just because it is a buffet does not mean you can eat more than normal. Take a reasonable amount of food the first time and get more if need be. So much food is wasted during buffets because you're greedy. Also servers do a lot of work for buffets, it is still appropriate to tip.

I could bitch all day... but I'll just save it for the book I could write. I guess you can't fix stupid! —Sick of Stupid