Keep your kids out of the street

It's getting warmer—and that means soon, all the stupid parents who let their kids play in traffic will be putting out their completely ineffective little "We love our kids please slow down" signs. This, in spite of the fact that many putting out such signs have massive, fully landscaped backyards where their spawn can safely play—and the fact that motorists in this city are known nation-wide for their shitty driving. Even the few good drivers can have trouble stopping in time if little Timmy ignores the calls of "Car!" and decides to keep chasing the hockey ball into the street regardless. Kids are stupid like that. It's not their fault but they are. So, let your kids play on your own goddamned property instead of sending them out the front door into the path of some dumbass doing 70 in a school zone.
—The street is not a playground