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10,000 B.C. 

Nobody demands 10,000 B.C. be good, but that doesn’t excuse that it’s free of pleasure. You could cut director Roland Emmerich slack if Godzilla, Independence Day and The Patriot were at least fun. In 10,000 B.C., he continues making genre movies a drag. The storytelling is incomprehensible. The racism is so overt in a prehistoric civilization rescuing prophesied white saviour Evolet (part-Brazilian Camilla Belle) and motivating an African tribe, it’s almost not worth pointing out. Emmerich’s shamelessness can’t even boast enthralling action. Every scene feels pasted from a separate narrative, as Omar Sharif’s goofy voiceover tries to explain its importance. The quest led by Colin Farrell lookalike Steven Strait, as D’Leh, is banal in its pointlessness. The wise Old Mother (Mona Hammond), who has orgasmic convulsions whenever psychically sensing the heroes are in trouble, is impossible to take seriously. Her convulsions are misplaced: 10,000 B.C. hasn’t a pulse.

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Vol 25, No 25
November 16, 2017

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