How the Grinch Took Back Christmas | Arts & Culture | Halifax, Nova Scotia | THE COAST

How the Grinch Took Back Christmas

Spoken word by El Jones

illustration Lisa Lipton

Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lotCause they liked to show off how much money they gotAnd they never invited the Grinch who lived up on Mount CrumpitAnd when the Whos had garbage they went there to dump itThere were boxes and bows and tinfoil and wrappingIt was toxic but the Grinch couldn't stop it from happeningThe Grinch hated Christmas and we all know the reasonBecause he had to work twice as hard for the Whos all seasonThey made him hang tinsel and mistletoe and hollyAnd they made him entertain them by acting all jollyAnd when they threw parties they made him serve dinnerAnd they never shared so the Grinch got thinner and thinnerAnd after the parties he had to CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN CLEANAnd he couldn't be Santa because he was green.And they sang lots of carols at the top of their voiceBut they didn't care about the message it was noise noise noise noiseAnd the Whos drove to the stores in their big SUVsAnd they charged thousands of dollars on their platinum VisasAnd they ate candy and cranberries and turkey and stuffingAnd they enjoyed it more knowing the Grinch had nothingAnd every Christmas the toys were a brand new trendAnd they would EAT EAT EAT EAT and then SPEND SPEND SPEND SPENDIt was disgusting that conspicuous consumptionSo the Grinch thought I have to stop Christmas from coming!!!

And he walked on the streets with his pockets all emptyAnd he saw he had nothing and the Whos had plentyThey had so much they even wasted their powerThey had lights in their yard while the Grinch worked for a dollar an hourAnd the Grinch thought, how can this system be goodWhen I can't afford Christmas up in my hoodAnd they FEAST FEAST FEAST FEAST while I gotta work doubleAnd what do I got to show for my trouble?And so the Grinch dreaded that Christmas nightUntil an idea clicked in his head like a Christmas tree lightThe Grinch thought, why should I slave for the WhosAnd I can't get nothing for Christmas not even some boozeI gotta live by this landfill way up on this hillWhen the town of Whoville used to be Grinchville?I lived right in the middle now look where I'm stuckAnd they moved out my stuff in a city dumptruckAnd I watch their greed growing inches by i n c h e sAnd they pocket their cash off the backs of us Grinches Out of millions of Grinches I'm last one left livingThey all died of smallpox at Who ThanksgivingI can hear them sing carols way up here at the topBut when I turn up my music the Whos call the copsI'll steal their presents, said the Grinch, no wait hold up editI know them rich Whos buy their presents on creditThey'll just buy more toys at the Boxing Day saleWhile the last Grinch on earth spends his New Year's in jailAnd one day of action won't solve the real problemWith all that they've stolen it ain't enough to just rob themAnd so the Grinch sat and thought like an intelligent nigger

And as he thought he felt his brain get three sizes biggerThe Grinch said, it's time to do for myselfIt's sickening the way that they waste their wealthMy Grandparents died building up that WhovillageSo the Whos could live safe in their Who privilege?Look at those Whos so smug and self-satisfiedForget messing with Christmas, I'm taking their lives!So he found a solution like Huey P. NewtonFuck reparations, he said, it's time for retributionSo he called up the Whiches and Whatsits and WhysAnd said we can rise against the Whos if we organizeAnd when the Whos were all sleeping and their windows were blackThe Grinch and his crew crept up in the backAnd the Whos never knew that their locks were so flimsyAnd oops! guess the Whos should have guarded the chimneyAnd no-one was spared not even Cindy Lou WhoBecause the little ones grow to be adult Whos tooThey didn't stop for the cookies and they stuck to the planAnd when the Whos were all dead they joined hands and they sangAnd the true meaning of Christmas was this little gem:There are more of us than there are of them.And so the Grinch taught a lesson that ChristmastimeYou got yours, now I'm coming for mine.

Use this quicktime controller to hear the author recite this piece

El Jones is a poet, teacher and spoken word artist. El was captain of the Halifax Slam team, winners of the 2007 national spoken word championships in Halifax. She is a teaching fellow in the Foundation Year program at King’s College: “Love, peace and thanks to those who came before and whose struggles allow me to be here.”

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