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Wednesday, March 11, 2020

The royal flush

For only $450 you can crap like a king/queen.

Posted By on Wed, Mar 11, 2020 at 2:34 PM

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If you've recently been on Halifax Kijiji you may have seen this odd listing: "Gold imported toilets 4 left!!!"

The popular ad, which was recently removed from the website, displayed a white-and-gold, floral-patterned throne—a far cry from the stark white pots us lowly peasants are wont to piss in.

Each toilet, according to the seller, is valued at $1,200 regular price, comes with "wax ring, flush," is in an unopened box and is "extremely rare." But, a Google search for "gold toilets" reveals these lustrous loos may not be as "rare"—or expensive—as the ad suggested.

On Alibaba.com, identical fancy flushers can be yours for $85 to $220 USD ($113-$294 CAD), a fraction of the Kijiji asking price. According to the website, the dual-flushing toilets are manufactured in China by Foshan Haiyijia Co., Ltd. and are only gold-painted ceramic—not real gold. If you were excited about giving your butt a real gold crown, think again.

Gazing at the toilet (pictured, right) long enough, you might think, wait, I've seen these before. That's because identical toilets are installed at Garden Food Bar & Lounge on Clyde Street downtown. It's there that you can try the full, luxury experience—sort of. The shiny, gold seats are actually made of hard, gold-coloured plastic. And like most public washrooms, they're in need of a clean.

If you're looking for a real, solid-gold toilet, you're shit out of luck. Actual gold toilets are reserved for the elite. Consider "America," an 18-karat, fully-functioning, solid-gold toilet installation by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan, which was stolen last year from Britain's Blenheim Palace (Winston Churchill's birthplace).

Sadly, many of us can't live like Churchill—or anywhere in HRM for that matter (see: one percent rental-vacancy rate). But if you want to spice up your drab bathroom, or you want to give yourself a false sense of wealth and importance, these faux-gold toilets may be the answer.

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