2019 is almost over. Don't you want to fulfill your resolution? Tell me bad jokes and I'll kill your spiders.
—Blueberry

I had to get an abortion here in NS a few months ago, and as a young individual who absolutely could not tell my parents, I was understandably terrified. However, what I found was that Nova Scotia has a GREAT abortion set up. It's super-easy to self-refer to the Women's Choice Clinic, and set up the necessary appointments and everything (the wait time is minimal). When they call you, it's a blocked number so no one around you get suspicious. It's all run by women, and everyone is so nice. At no point did anyone try to convince me against getting an abortion, and all the nurses and doctors were so nice.

The actual day-of process was smooth, the waiting rooms have couches, colouring books, snacks and music playing. There are lots of other women there going through the same thing, and honestly it's a very supportive atmosphere. You can opt to have pain killers and an anti-anxiety med to calm you down. Afterwards you are given a popsicle (& more snacks) and you go to a recovery room until you are ready to go. You are also referred to a psychologist if you feel you need it (not mandatory). Not only was the entire process free, but easy as well. The full process for me took less than two hours, from 8-9:30am. I was the first of my group to go, so it may have been a bit longer for others, but very efficient altogether. Literally the only downside was that music was also playing in the surgery room, and now "Brown Eyed Girl" is forever tainted. (But honestly not really because not one part of this experience was traumatic or scary because of the care taken for the women.)

I'm so happy Nova Scotia has such accessible abortions, and such a wonderful set-up to support women. 10 out of 10 best hospital experience ever, please don't be afraid of feel ashamed. <3
—Young, Sometimes Dumb, But Well Taken Care Of

Among the contentious debate in the United States concerning women’s right to choose, I found myself in the midst of making my own choice: To continue with an unplanned pregnancy, or to access Halifax’s abortion services. I chose the latter. Naturally, I was scared of the process, and scared about the judgement that I could face from pro-life medical practitioners.

All I can say is thank god for the staff at the clinic. They were nothing short of miracle workers, and made a really, really shitty situation into an empowering, validating experience. They helped me to understand that it is OK—and well within my right—to say that it is not my time to be a parent. They allowed me to cry, and they understood that while I was confident in my choice, I was still harbouring guilt over having to make it. I did not experience ANY judgment towards my choice, and felt nothing but a sense of deep personal respect.

To the one nurse in particular (you know who you are), please know that you are a beacon of hope in an otherwise traumatic situation. You held my hand and wiped tears of emotional and physical discomfort from my face, all while telling me that I was doing the right thing for me. I will never forget the kindness you showed me, and I hope you know that you and your colleagues are making a huge difference in the lives of women in Halifax.
—The PhD Candidate

I love your attitude. We can all learn something from you!

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  Thanks for making my day! You were just leaving the breast-screening clinic when you turned to the rest of us waiting, smiled, and proudly exclaimed that it only takes half the time when you only have one breast. Your comment provoked many smiles and chuckles. Clearly you have a great sense of humour in spite of being to hell and back with your own health. I love your attitude. We can all learn something from you!
—Mammy

Thank you hospital staff, for dealing with my multiple stupid visits in the last couple months for random stupid injuries. Your sense of humour and friendly dispositions make my visit a lot more relaxed than what I am used to at hospitals full of stoic, cranky old medical professionals with cold hands. —Dumb Idiot Always Getting Hurt

Thank you so much for being strong! Life is fucking hard, much more so for people of minorities and of the LGBT community. We stand with you; keep being the amazing, diverse and loving community that makes Halifax a great place to live. You're doing an amazing job. We love you! —Hfx gal

I know you're having a hard time right now. I know you feel like you've been thrown into a dark and stormy ocean with no lifejacket and no direction to swim in. I know you feel like no one cares about you, but I do. And I promise that even in the face of all this darkness and all these hardships, I will keep you safe. I will treat you well, I will give you what you need. I won't let your brain bully your body. So, when you're feeling lonely or sad or hopeless, remember that I care about you and love you and I always will. You will always have me, and I will always have you. —Me/us/we

Then do something about it. —No rush

Canadian drug dealers have one thing to say about government anti-marijuana ads.

Thank you!

The Canadian government launched an anti-marijuana campaign in 2015 to the delight of drug dealers across Canada who say the new ads have business booming.

"I haven't seen sales like these since the Blink 182 concert of 2003," said one dealer who asked to remain anonymous. "I used to give this shit away when making other sales, now I cant keep it in stock. It's great."

The previous Conservative government decided to start its anti-marijuana campaign despite public opinion's sway towards legalization and widespread acceptance of the social drug as harmless. Experts say the combination of acceptance and aggressive anti-marijuana campaigning brought a re-energized curiosity to the most common of experimented drugs.

"Everybody knows what marijuana is. Everybody." Explained Tom Dooby, head of marketing research at the Notareal Institute. "Pot, weed, grass, whatever you refer to it as, everyone knows what you're talking about. Marijuana is already so ingrained into our society, running anti-marijuana campaigns merely reminds people who've moved on from their weed phase that it's still around."

Even the Royal Canadian Mounted Police spoke out about the waste of resources anti-marijuana campaigns are.

"They're wasting money that could be going to mental healthcare." Said one officer. "Whats more concerning, the guy waving his dick at everyone on a bus, or a teenager high in their apartment watching wrestling?"

While there's debate over anti-marijuana ads effectiveness, the increase in sales has government officials questioning their approach.

"We did everything we normally do." said one official, "Distorted facts, intense imagery, pretended like we're trying to help. If marijuana had ever actually killed someone they'd be thanking us."

However, experts believe it's those exact reasons marijuana sales have skyrocketed.

"Those ads are the best legal advertisements for marijuana I've ever seen" laughed Tom Dooby. "'Marijuana has become 300-400% stronger in the last 30 years.' That's like saying, 'Hey, remember that thing you loved and had so much fun with when you were young? Well it's gotten even better!'"

Even our drug dealer has noticed a shift in clientele.

"I used to sell mainly to college kids, but now their parents are stopping me on the way out to try this new and improved weed. Even the coke and MDMA crowd are coming back to weed. In today's economy, spending $200 on blow and another $100 on booze just isn't feasible. Getting high while Netflix and chilling is the new frugal way to party."

When asked how they intended to enforce the new focus on anti-marijuana, the RCMP spokesperson simply laughed at the notion.

"While there are many tales of police officers seizing young peoples marijuana, the RCMP can proudly say there isn't a single documented case where an officer has returned small amounts of marijuana to the precinct for disposal."

While its good times for marijuana right now, our dealer is quick to point out drugs are a flavor of the month industry.

"It's great for now. I love dealing weed, its always friendly and relaxed, but it will fade out eventually. The only thing you can do is enjoy it while it lasts. You might see a small increase in kids calling themselves 'dealers', but until a 37 year old man with rotted teeth offers to blow you behind a drug store for a small hit of meth, you're not really dealing drugs."

—Zombiethought