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Friday, September 19, 2014

where is the love?

Posted on Fri, Sep 19, 2014 at 4:00 AM

Why is it taboo to come right out and say you are lonely? I'm a nice girl who has clawed my way out of a deep, dark pit of adversity without a shred of self-pity. I raise a sweet little boy on my own, supporting us both with a professional career that I love and have worked my way up the ladder very quickly. I'm genuinely funny and thoughtful, and consider myself to be pretty intelligent, even though I'm not an intellectual. I have a lot of confidence and I know that men find me attractive in the girl-next-door kind of way. I maintain a good balance of being a good, responsible parent, but still manage to cut loose and be fun in social situations. After having my son, I made it a priority to fix all of the things in my life that were broken and I made amends with the world for the things I did wrong in a "former life", before I became a person that I'm truly happy with. I didn't want to go into a relationship without having anything to offer, because I didn't want someone to feel dragged down by my baggage, or my choice to bring up a child alone. I wanted to find my groove as a parent before bringing someone else into our lives. But now I feel strong, I feel independent, and I feel like I have a lot to offer the right person without having to settle for the first guy to show interest. But I can't seem to stumble into a genuine healthy relationship. I've dated recently, but have been slightly off put by a pattern of borderline sociopathic men who will literally go to any emotionally exploitive lengths to keep having good sex. We live in a nightlife-heavy city busting at the seams with cute, pert young university girls who are perfectly happy to satisfy the urge for NSA sex, yet the few men I've dated all seem to be more interested in the humiliation ritual of baiting a girl with romance, then being cruel when said girls have the audacity to believe that those words and gestures were genuine. Maybe I'm naïve, but I have never been a cruel person, and I never seem to see it coming from others. So I guess the purpose behind writing this is to ask for the male opinion: why is it that so many girls i know who are tragic, messy, codependent, psychologically unbalanced, boring, one-dimensional, lacking in ambition, spoiled, or superficial are all with sweet men who would die to protect them, but I can't seem to encounter a man who can appreciate that I don't need a man, but I want one. Am I kidding myself by wondering if men are just intimidated by my independence? Because I am starting to dread the alternative, that maybe I smell bad or emit a "slut vibe" or am just plain weird. Why is it that I feel pathetic for wanting a guy who adores me, is proud to be with me and isn't afraid to show it? —mamasan

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