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Streets ahead

Saturday, October 19, 2019

And you thought phone zombies were bad

Posted By on Sat, Oct 19, 2019 at 9:21 AM

I saw a girl walking down the street the other day while reading a paperback novel. Ignoring the world around her, just walking along the sidewalk with a book held in front of her face. Zombies: Quit living in fantasyland and join the life abundant, before you go splat.
—Go To The Library And Read, Dummy
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Friday, October 4, 2019

My fellow cyclists

Posted By on Fri, Oct 4, 2019 at 9:04 PM

  If I am to respect your one-metre distance, then will you please PLEASE respect mine? If there is a line at a light, WAIT. YOUR. TURN. IN. LINE. If you don’t have a full meter to pass on the right, please don’t try to squeeze by. A cyclist hit my side mirror this morning while doing just this. Rules of the road exist to keep ALL of us safe and secure, so stop fucking it up with stupid fucking behaviour PLEASE!!
—I Drive Too
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Thursday, September 19, 2019

Phone zombies, no bag limit

Posted By on Thu, Sep 19, 2019 at 10:55 AM

Phone zombie! Why do you walk around crowded busy streets staring at your phone? Phone Zombie! You are a hazard to yourself and the general public at large. And you not only look like an insecure fool, you are an embarrassment to the human race at large. Perhaps stopping and moving out of the way of others would be a better approach to communications? It's illegal to drive and operate your phone. Why not elsewhere too? Phone zombie! You got to go!
—Enema Bandit
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Thursday, August 29, 2019

To the person who called me a "fucking piece of shit" on Vernon Street this morning

Posted By on Thu, Aug 29, 2019 at 9:53 AM

I realize that I had parked in a no-parking zone. I drove around three times to try to find a legit parking space, but was running out of time. You see, two days ago I miscarried. As I was driving down Vernon to get to work, I finally got a call that my emergency ultrasound was scheduled (which I had been waiting for for days), but I had to get to the hospital in 30 minutes and drink two-to-three litres of water beforehand. I finally decided to park in a no-parking, put my four-ways on and run into the store to get water. I saw you, was nowhere near you when I opened my door, yet you still yelled at me with all the hate and anger you could muster. It left me shook.

Maybe I am a “FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.” But I don’t think I’ve ever met one person who has followed the rules of the road 100 percent all of the time, including you I’m sure. A little compassion goes a long way—and you made an already stressful situation almost unbearable. And I want you to know that.

To the person who wrote “You are awesome!” and “Have a wonderful day!” in chalk on University Avenue: Thank you. I truly needed to read that today!
—No Parking, No Options
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Wednesday, August 14, 2019


Posted By on Wed, Aug 14, 2019 at 3:55 PM

Listen up, arsehole on my car's bumper as we drive the Prospect Road: I'm not going any faster and you can't drive over me. You're so fucking stupid, you don't even realize that if you rear-end into my old clunker, you're automatically at fault. So suck on my middle finger, Rushy McRushRush.
—Tired Of Doing The Speed Limit With Lead-footed Idiots On My Ass
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Thursday, August 1, 2019

Just drive

Posted By on Thu, Aug 1, 2019 at 11:31 AM

Would you misguided potato-brained morons just stop trying to be so fucking “polite” when you drive, keep your right of way and stop, for fuck's sake, almost causing near-accidents!?! Are you doing the rest of us any favours by jamming your goddamn brakes on in the middle of a main traffic lane? Perhaps you’re related to the idiots who hit the brakes before turn signals. Smarten up before you do cause an accident, jackass.
—Adrenaline Spike
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Thursday, July 25, 2019

Pissed off at "slow" traffic?

Posted By on Thu, Jul 25, 2019 at 11:12 AM

Last time I checked, we don't have any autobahn roads in NS with no speed limit. If you think driving 160 is OK on public highway, you are being an ASS. Yes, the "slowpoke" doing 120 in the left lane was slowing you down, that is because he was only somewhat above the speed limit while passing people, instead of driving like an utter ass. Where the hell are you going that it is so urgent? Get a grip, or get a membership on a private circuit track and drive 200+ if you are serious about driving stupid fast. Don't put other people at risk with your entitled attitudes and dangerous driving habits.
—Pissed Off At Entitled Fast Drivers
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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

You look like an idiot

Posted By on Tue, Jun 25, 2019 at 11:02 AM

I was walking down Robie Street when a car drove by me with windows down and a guy in the car let out a scream directly at me. A full-fledged scream out of nowhere. Why? Fuck you.
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Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Dear drivers

Posted By on Tue, Oct 9, 2018 at 2:30 PM

Dear drivers of Halifax, Please remember these simple rules from the Nova Scotia Motor Vehicles Act—seeing as you agreed to follow them by getting a licence:
1. An intersection is any place that two or more roads meet. They may be marked or unmarked.
2. Every intersection is a crosswalk.
I look all four ways and only cross at intersections. Next time you lay on your horn for me crossing legally and following the rules of the road, you should shove it!
—Just trying to make it to work without dying
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Sunday, June 3, 2018

Argyle Street?! More like Car-gyle Street

Posted By on Sun, Jun 3, 2018 at 9:30 AM

OK, Halifax—what is the deal with royally fucking over Argyle Street?! I’m not even referring to the odyssey that was the construction of the Nova Centre, or even the six-month long project during absolute peak business season, during the Canada150 and Tall Ships summer, of tearing up the road, save for a tiny ped-path that was supposed to ‘encourage pedestrians’ down the street to sad bars with no patios and even fewer customers. It’s now summer 2018, we’ve thrown our sacrificial goat into the fire and huzzah! The construction is more or less done ‘round our parts. We were promised a pedestrian street; we were promised a no-car zone. Why is it, then, since the end of construction, the newly cobblestoned street has served as nothing but a glorified parking lot? 

Summer is finally creeping in, patio season is in full swing and we watch day in and day out people park directly under no parking and tow away zone signs and walk away without a single worry because they have learned there is literally zero ticketing or towing happening. Further, delivery trucks who are supposed to use that zone for unloading are trying to park on the sidewalk side directly in front of our precious patios, discouraging many potential customers from wanting to enjoy the afternoon sun with their lunch.

The lack of responsibility taken by our city to lay down the parking law on the people who are taking clear advantage of such a lack of responsibility is directly impacting the same businesses the decisions of this city have been fucking over for years. Shame on each and every one of you who have put your own selfish needs to drive downtown and park as close as physically possible to your destination above the dignity of the businesses making up the backbone of Halifax’s food and beverage culture. Further, shame on the city for slacking off WAY too much and perpetuating this unspoken understanding among Halifax’s biggest assholes that Argyle is a free-parking zone. This isn’t Monopoly; there’s no such thing as free parking on this block. — Hoping All Rediscover Usual Meter Parking Habits

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Wednesday, May 30, 2018

What's the hurry?

Posted By on Wed, May 30, 2018 at 10:06 AM

To the drivers who enjoy speeding past me to only sit in front of me at the red light...I hope you enjoy risking others on the road just to sit at the same light as me, that I didn't risk anyone's life to get to. —The Car Behind You

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Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Car malfunction

Posted By on Tue, Apr 24, 2018 at 9:30 AM

Did it ever occur to you ignorant bastards on the 102 Highway that a car with its four way flashers on, going slower, without wipers functioning in a goddamn rainstorm just might be having a fucking problem...and that you don’t fucking need to cut them off and almost cause a fucking dangerous accident when turning off to go to Dunbrack Street? YOU IGNORANT OLD BASTARD YOU ALMOST GOT ME KILLED. NEXT TIME BACK OFF AND GIVE SOMEONE SPACE YOU IGNORANT SHITBAG! —Wiper Transmission Died

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Friday, April 13, 2018

High road, low beams

Posted By on Fri, Apr 13, 2018 at 12:49 PM

Two drivers I passed last night on the highway proceeded to speed up, tail gate and turn their high beams on to try to annoy me in some sort of road rage revenge.  It's a new car with bright white lights but I wasn't tail gating or using the high beams when I was behind them.  I'd quickly passed but not in an aggressive manner.  I'm assuming they'd thought I had my high beams on—I didn't.  The regular beams didn't seem to annoy oncoming traffic—no one flashed me—but apparently they do annoy people in front (at least 10 car lengths).  Anyway, don't assume because someone has whiter headlights that they've got their high beams on or purposefully chose a car just to annoy you. You won't appreciate it when you update your car and people tailgate and try to blind you in some sort of misguided vengeance. —Auto Dimming Rearview Mirror Anyway

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Monday, April 9, 2018

Snowy cars

Posted By on Mon, Apr 9, 2018 at 1:05 PM

What is wrong with you folks who drive around during a snow storm with your windows covered by snow? CLEAN THEM OFF! FFS!  Is it a problem? Yes! The fact that I knocked on your window and you couldn't see me until I wiped the snow off tells me it's a problem.  —Didn't See Me 'Til It Was Too Late

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Friday, March 9, 2018

A collective driving lesson for Halifax

Posted By on Fri, Mar 9, 2018 at 10:26 AM

I know this is a huge cliche, but where did the people in this city learn to drive? Has anyone ever heard of defensive driving? Do they all forget what snow is every year?

I moved here last summer and have had more close calls than the last 5 years where I was living previously. I watched a guy almost kill a woman and her kids blowing through a stop line and into a crosswalk at a red light. I was almost hit the same way walking on Agricola. I had a bus miss me on my bike by about two feet after moving into traffic, from a stop, without signalling. I had a guy stop at a T-intersection, look both ways, then proceed to turn into my path anyways. To top it off, I was stopped on my bike single file (as the signs all say to do) waiting to enter a roundabout, behind two cars, when the guy behind me decided I was somehow holding him up. He revved his engine, and accelerated toward me twice, as if to run me over. I have no doubt he would have if I hadn't gotten out of the way. He then almost hit another car after burning it through the roundabout.

Finally, please for the love of god do not stop for jaywalkers. No, it is not polite, it's stupid, for so many reasons. Just don't.

As driver, pedestrian, and a person who often commutes by bike, it feels like I'm taking my life in my hands every time I go out in this city. And no, it's not the narrow streets, it's the people behind the wheel. Get your head out of your ass, pay attention, and drive defensively. And use your fucking signal lights.
—Driving Is A Privilege

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Recent Comments

  • Re: Glug glug glug

    • ^^^ And maybe your rectum will fall out because you're such an areshole

    • on October 20, 2019
  • Re: Karaoke killer

    • Karaoke is still a thing? I thought that faded away with line dancing in the…

    • on October 19, 2019
  • Re: In response to "Just A Person Trying To Enjoy My City"

    • Simple solution: go somewhere else.

    • on October 19, 2019
  • Re: You've got all the red pills

    • I stepped on an ant. Should I just stand against the wall until the cops…

    • on October 19, 2019
  • Re: Help us

    • Sociopathic bosses seem to be in abundance in this burg.

    • on October 19, 2019
  • Re: Glug glug glug

    • And it'll all be fine until you cough up your diseased liver.

    • on October 19, 2019
  • Re: And you thought phone zombies were bad

    • Same goes for people constantly eye fucking their smartphones. I hope they end up with…

    • on October 19, 2019
  • Re: Can't even hear my own music!

    • Theres a food truck on my block, I saw the dish cloth they were using…

    • on October 16, 2019
  • Re: Karaoke killer

    • Ya'll sound bad

    • on October 16, 2019
  • Re: Coffee in Dartmouth

    • You can always use your piss bucket. Reuse reduce recycle

    • on October 16, 2019

In Print This Week

Vol 27, No 21
October 17, 2019

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