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Streets ahead

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Tailgaters

Posted By on Wed, Aug 14, 2019 at 3:55 PM

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Listen up, arsehole on my car's bumper as we drive the Prospect Road: I'm not going any faster and you can't drive over me. You're so fucking stupid, you don't even realize that if you rear-end into my old clunker, you're automatically at fault. So suck on my middle finger, Rushy McRushRush.
—Tired Of Doing The Speed Limit With Lead-footed Idiots On My Ass
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Thursday, August 1, 2019

Just drive

Posted By on Thu, Aug 1, 2019 at 11:31 AM

Would you misguided potato-brained morons just stop trying to be so fucking “polite” when you drive, keep your right of way and stop, for fuck's sake, almost causing near-accidents!?! Are you doing the rest of us any favours by jamming your goddamn brakes on in the middle of a main traffic lane? Perhaps you’re related to the idiots who hit the brakes before turn signals. Smarten up before you do cause an accident, jackass.
—Adrenaline Spike
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Thursday, July 25, 2019

Pissed off at "slow" traffic?

Posted By on Thu, Jul 25, 2019 at 11:12 AM

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Last time I checked, we don't have any autobahn roads in NS with no speed limit. If you think driving 160 is OK on public highway, you are being an ASS. Yes, the "slowpoke" doing 120 in the left lane was slowing you down, that is because he was only somewhat above the speed limit while passing people, instead of driving like an utter ass. Where the hell are you going that it is so urgent? Get a grip, or get a membership on a private circuit track and drive 200+ if you are serious about driving stupid fast. Don't put other people at risk with your entitled attitudes and dangerous driving habits.
—Pissed Off At Entitled Fast Drivers
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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

You look like an idiot

Posted By on Tue, Jun 25, 2019 at 11:02 AM

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I was walking down Robie Street when a car drove by me with windows down and a guy in the car let out a scream directly at me. A full-fledged scream out of nowhere. Why? Fuck you.
—Pedestrian
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Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Dear drivers

Posted By on Tue, Oct 9, 2018 at 2:30 PM

Dear drivers of Halifax, Please remember these simple rules from the Nova Scotia Motor Vehicles Act—seeing as you agreed to follow them by getting a licence:
1. An intersection is any place that two or more roads meet. They may be marked or unmarked.
2. Every intersection is a crosswalk.
3. At any intersection PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY!
I look all four ways and only cross at intersections. Next time you lay on your horn for me crossing legally and following the rules of the road, you should shove it!
—Just trying to make it to work without dying
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Sunday, June 3, 2018

Argyle Street?! More like Car-gyle Street

Posted By on Sun, Jun 3, 2018 at 9:30 AM

OK, Halifax—what is the deal with royally fucking over Argyle Street?! I’m not even referring to the odyssey that was the construction of the Nova Centre, or even the six-month long project during absolute peak business season, during the Canada150 and Tall Ships summer, of tearing up the road, save for a tiny ped-path that was supposed to ‘encourage pedestrians’ down the street to sad bars with no patios and even fewer customers. It’s now summer 2018, we’ve thrown our sacrificial goat into the fire and huzzah! The construction is more or less done ‘round our parts. We were promised a pedestrian street; we were promised a no-car zone. Why is it, then, since the end of construction, the newly cobblestoned street has served as nothing but a glorified parking lot? 

Summer is finally creeping in, patio season is in full swing and we watch day in and day out people park directly under no parking and tow away zone signs and walk away without a single worry because they have learned there is literally zero ticketing or towing happening. Further, delivery trucks who are supposed to use that zone for unloading are trying to park on the sidewalk side directly in front of our precious patios, discouraging many potential customers from wanting to enjoy the afternoon sun with their lunch.

The lack of responsibility taken by our city to lay down the parking law on the people who are taking clear advantage of such a lack of responsibility is directly impacting the same businesses the decisions of this city have been fucking over for years. Shame on each and every one of you who have put your own selfish needs to drive downtown and park as close as physically possible to your destination above the dignity of the businesses making up the backbone of Halifax’s food and beverage culture. Further, shame on the city for slacking off WAY too much and perpetuating this unspoken understanding among Halifax’s biggest assholes that Argyle is a free-parking zone. This isn’t Monopoly; there’s no such thing as free parking on this block. — Hoping All Rediscover Usual Meter Parking Habits

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Wednesday, May 30, 2018

What's the hurry?

Posted By on Wed, May 30, 2018 at 10:06 AM

To the drivers who enjoy speeding past me to only sit in front of me at the red light...I hope you enjoy risking others on the road just to sit at the same light as me, that I didn't risk anyone's life to get to. —The Car Behind You

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Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Car malfunction

Posted By on Tue, Apr 24, 2018 at 9:30 AM

Did it ever occur to you ignorant bastards on the 102 Highway that a car with its four way flashers on, going slower, without wipers functioning in a goddamn rainstorm just might be having a fucking problem...and that you don’t fucking need to cut them off and almost cause a fucking dangerous accident when turning off to go to Dunbrack Street? YOU IGNORANT OLD BASTARD YOU ALMOST GOT ME KILLED. NEXT TIME BACK OFF AND GIVE SOMEONE SPACE YOU IGNORANT SHITBAG! —Wiper Transmission Died


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Friday, April 13, 2018

High road, low beams

Posted By on Fri, Apr 13, 2018 at 12:49 PM

Two drivers I passed last night on the highway proceeded to speed up, tail gate and turn their high beams on to try to annoy me in some sort of road rage revenge.  It's a new car with bright white lights but I wasn't tail gating or using the high beams when I was behind them.  I'd quickly passed but not in an aggressive manner.  I'm assuming they'd thought I had my high beams on—I didn't.  The regular beams didn't seem to annoy oncoming traffic—no one flashed me—but apparently they do annoy people in front (at least 10 car lengths).  Anyway, don't assume because someone has whiter headlights that they've got their high beams on or purposefully chose a car just to annoy you. You won't appreciate it when you update your car and people tailgate and try to blind you in some sort of misguided vengeance. —Auto Dimming Rearview Mirror Anyway


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Monday, April 9, 2018

Snowy cars

Posted By on Mon, Apr 9, 2018 at 1:05 PM

What is wrong with you folks who drive around during a snow storm with your windows covered by snow? CLEAN THEM OFF! FFS!  Is it a problem? Yes! The fact that I knocked on your window and you couldn't see me until I wiped the snow off tells me it's a problem.  —Didn't See Me 'Til It Was Too Late


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Friday, March 9, 2018

A collective driving lesson for Halifax

Posted By on Fri, Mar 9, 2018 at 10:26 AM

I know this is a huge cliche, but where did the people in this city learn to drive? Has anyone ever heard of defensive driving? Do they all forget what snow is every year?

I moved here last summer and have had more close calls than the last 5 years where I was living previously. I watched a guy almost kill a woman and her kids blowing through a stop line and into a crosswalk at a red light. I was almost hit the same way walking on Agricola. I had a bus miss me on my bike by about two feet after moving into traffic, from a stop, without signalling. I had a guy stop at a T-intersection, look both ways, then proceed to turn into my path anyways. To top it off, I was stopped on my bike single file (as the signs all say to do) waiting to enter a roundabout, behind two cars, when the guy behind me decided I was somehow holding him up. He revved his engine, and accelerated toward me twice, as if to run me over. I have no doubt he would have if I hadn't gotten out of the way. He then almost hit another car after burning it through the roundabout.

Finally, please for the love of god do not stop for jaywalkers. No, it is not polite, it's stupid, for so many reasons. Just don't.

As driver, pedestrian, and a person who often commutes by bike, it feels like I'm taking my life in my hands every time I go out in this city. And no, it's not the narrow streets, it's the people behind the wheel. Get your head out of your ass, pay attention, and drive defensively. And use your fucking signal lights.
—Driving Is A Privilege


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Friday, February 2, 2018

When signals fail

Posted By on Fri, Feb 2, 2018 at 4:02 PM

PSA TO HALIFAX DRIVERS (more specifically to Halifax drivers who regularly turn right from Chebucto onto Mumford): That little human-like-figure you see blinking at you–the one that is down and to the right of the stop lights you can’t seem to look past – means THAT PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. Which–and this is may by shocking to some–means STOP DRIVING! STOP TURNING! STOP SLOWLY INCHING FORWARD TO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY TELL ME TO WALK FASTER! It is not a game of how-many-cars-can-sneak-by-before-the-person-walking-is-halfway-through-the-intersection. So, the next time you are at that exchange, please, for the love of God, public safety, and my sanity—stop. Fucking. Driving. —Wrong On Red


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Thursday, February 1, 2018

Slower traffic, stay to the the right

Posted By on Thu, Feb 1, 2018 at 10:50 AM

That’s was the sign says, and that is what I do when it is just you and me. But when I'm doing 30km/h more than the right hand lane and the right hand lane is busy as hell? Nope, sorry, no offence but you can go fuck yourself. —One Thirty Guy


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Monday, January 29, 2018

Halifax drivers

Posted By on Mon, Jan 29, 2018 at 9:15 AM

I'd like to send a shout out to all the lousy, self-centred drivers out there. You see them daily. Texting while driving and taking up both lanes. Those doing 70 on the 103 in the fast lane. The ones who change lanes five times and cut everyone else off so they can get to Timmy's five minutes faster. Today it was the idiot driving the VW  in bumper to bumper traffic who decided to take a lane and almost ripped off my front end. Why not just get in that lane in the first place? This place has the highest accident rate in the country due to the morons on the road. No wonder no one wants to live here. —Fucking Pissed





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Monday, January 22, 2018

Little red sports car on the 102

Posted By on Mon, Jan 22, 2018 at 9:15 AM

I'm doing 120 in the fast lane, and the guy in the slow lane is doing 115. We are both moving along at a pretty good speed.

Except, along comes this little red sports car that wants to do 150. He honks at me, then sees an opening to pass on the right. The opening doesn't work out and he almost causes an accident. —Not Impressed


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In Print This Week

Vol 27, No 13
August 22, 2019

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