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Friday, January 10, 2020

First-world coffee problems

Posted By on Fri, Jan 10, 2020 at 1:15 PM

I wish a certain popular Canadian coffee chain would buy a new toaster that actually toasts their doughy-ass bagels. I ask for mine to be toasted twice, and the thing is black and tastes burnt but is STILL doughy AF and not a bit of crispiness at all! I'm never buying your shitty-ass bagels again! I might as well eat a raw ball of dough. Also, could you stop putting little pinholes in your coffee lids please? What is the meaning of this? The drippage has completely ruined my new UGGS!
Do Better In 2020
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Thursday, December 5, 2019

Pizza sauce

Posted By on Thu, Dec 5, 2019 at 2:05 PM

  I need to get this off my chest. Pizza shops in Halifax: Your pizza tastes great, it has potential, but…and there is a but! You neeeed to start cooking your pies for longer or at a higher temp. The bready parts are almost raw, it's so squishy and floppy. Like, it can be sort of squishy, that's what bread does when it has a lot of air bubbles, however the Halifax slice is undercooked. We need to accept this and start making crispy, properly cooked slices stat. It's not that difficult and I believe in us.
—A Single Tear
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Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Do not keep on licking if you care about your partner's health and are mature enough to talk about it

Posted By on Wed, Nov 13, 2019 at 9:12 AM

As a healthcare professional, I felt compelled to respond to the recent "Tastes like chicken" Bitch concerning the smell of a woman's vagina. The facts given were not only inaccurate, but potentially harmful. A "fishy" odour is indicative of not only a bacterial infection but also STIs that may render the carrier infertile. If you or your partner notice a change in your feminine scent do not "keep on licking" but rather be mature enough to talk about it, just like you would if you discovered a lump in your partner's breast or scrotum.
—Please Go To The Doctor
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Thursday, September 5, 2019

Killing us softly with sodium

Posted By on Thu, Sep 5, 2019 at 10:32 AM

I just had a cheat day from my diet and boy, was it a mistake. After clean eating for a few weeks, I bought a bag of potato chips. OMG what a sodium bomb! I feel my blood pressure rising with every bite. Why is there so much sodium in everything these days? I bought cheesies and sour cream & bacon chippies, but I can barely stomach them! They taste toxic. Food companies need to lower the salt in their products—it's getting ridiculous. It's not even palatable!
—Could Only Eat 10 Chips!
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Monday, November 26, 2018

It all comes crumbling down my face

Posted By on Mon, Nov 26, 2018 at 12:42 PM

To the cafes around this town that have decided it is beyond their capability to butter a bagel, but will hand you a hand-wrapped cube of butter (something that likely took longer than buttering my bagel as requested): You must be curing cancer. How busy are you, really? I see you. You aren't that busy. Your cafe is empty, my bagel is crumbly, neither of us are happy here. Just butter my fucking bagel and we will continue this struggle of a relationship.
—Signed, bitter about butter
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Monday, October 22, 2018

We fucking get it already! You don't eat bacon! Shut up about it!

Posted By on Mon, Oct 22, 2018 at 3:50 PM

I don't give a fuck what religion you are or what your dietary preferences are, but I am getting fucking sick of the "no-bacons" coming to the restaurant where I work and not shutting the fuck up about it. We get it. You don't eat bacon. You only need to say it ONCE! You don't need to repeat it at the end of every fucking sentence; we aren't fucking idiots, we understand what "no bacon" means. Honestly this goes for anyone being a repetative little shit when they order, but to the no-bacons in particular: Shut the fuck up.
—I don't care what you don't eat, just stop shoving it in my face like you're proud of it
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Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Dear local bakery

Posted By on Tue, Sep 25, 2018 at 11:44 AM

Peanut butter-chocolate chip cookies?
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Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Bad sandwich

Posted By on Tue, May 29, 2018 at 4:47 PM

I really dislike egg shells in my breakfast sandwich. I complain and you offer me a replacement sandwich. Do I dare try again? No thanks, just my money, please. —Hungry For More? Nah

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Monday, March 26, 2018

Smelly hell

Posted By on Mon, Mar 26, 2018 at 10:17 AM

I attended a great dance performance with my sister-in-law on Saturday in downtown Dartmouth.  Sitting in front of us were a family which included 3 young, very well behaved children.  During intermission I heard one child say 'I'm hungry'.  The father gives the kids a snack.  After a few minutes I could smell this very pungent  fishy odor!  I looked at my sister-in-law, who had her scarf covering her nose and we both busted up laughing!  The lady in front of us asked the man what did you give them?  He replied 'Fish Jerky' and shrugged his shoulders.  She asked 'do kids eat that', his reply was 'apparently'.  I swear that smell lingered throughout the entire second show and with each bite of jerky taken, it got stronger.  The smell was burned into my nostrils.  It was actually hilarious but come on man, use your head!  It's a small theater and who wants to sit and inhale what smelled like a huge bucket of putrid rotting fish!  OMG the things that!  Great time was had by all. —Casey

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Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Gonna be fat forever

Posted By on Tue, Feb 27, 2018 at 9:21 AM

I just finished eating a foot-long, cold cut sub with cheese, thinking I was being healthy.  I just decided to look up the nutritional info to give myself a pat on the back, but wait - this fucking thing I just at was 900 calories and a whopping 50 grams of fat. Holy shit! I might as well go to a burger joint and get a meal I actually like. Way to ruin my diet, you false advertising bastards! Never again. And I'm still hungry!  I should have gotten some damn chips! —And Your Cold Cuts Are Too Salty

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Thursday, December 14, 2017

Eat some bread and shut up!

Posted By on Thu, Dec 14, 2017 at 12:04 PM

Geezus are you serious ? You fucking candida yeast hippies blame everything on the fucking candida. Candida is a natural occurring yeast in the body and there is not a single scientific explanation that it causes any of the symptoms if claims. It's just something to blame for all the problems like any hypochondriac.  —Shove A Roll In Your Hole

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Monday, December 11, 2017

Eat local

Posted By on Mon, Dec 11, 2017 at 11:11 AM

When you talk so much about eating local and drinking local, and then buy the cheapest bacon money can buy from your local Walmart, you come off as more than a little two-faced. Halifax is full of so many great food suppliers and yet you fill your fridge with meat and produce from big box chains. At the very least stop your lying or change your wifi password. Everyone can see you carrying your groceries into the cafe. —Cafe Complainer

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Tuesday, November 28, 2017


Posted By on Tue, Nov 28, 2017 at 10:24 AM

What would you think if you read the following on a menu?: “Enjoy a bottomless coffee with your meal” (There is no price listed beside this, despite all the other beverages on the page having listed prices).

Well, I think the average person could reasonably assume that the coffee was included in your meal so long as you purchased one.

No, in fact, the coffee was just under four dollars after tax and amounted to about the size of a medium Tim’s. Now, I will say that the server was outstanding—very friendly, prompt, etc. 10/10 on the service. And the food was pretty good too, 7/10 there. Nobody who works there is responsible for the menu and honestly, if the price was listed I probably would have still bought the coffee anyway.

I just really dislike feeling like I've been tricked by an establishment. Fix your menu to reflect the actual price of the items people are ordering. Especially since the first thing they ask when you're seated—before you even have the chance to see a menu—is "do you want a coffee”? Were it not for the outstanding customer service I had there (still paid for coffee and tip on top), I'd not be back. —Misleading Menu Makes Me Moody

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Friday, October 6, 2017

Hey brother...

Posted By on Fri, Oct 6, 2017 at 11:52 AM

Don't ask for a tip from me after charging me over $14 for a burger, chip and fountain pop! —I Won't Spare A Dime

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Monday, July 10, 2017

My favourite pizza place broke up with me

Posted By on Mon, Jul 10, 2017 at 4:48 PM

I love pizza.  Especially this one particular pizza joint, a lot. It's a tradition at our house on Friday night to get delivery.  We just tried to order but they no longer deliver off the peninsula. We are indeed 45 seconds passed the rotary so we are out of luck.

This is a sad moment in pizza history for Halifax. Peninsular dwellers, please enjoy delicious pizza for us. Most ridiculous rule ever. —Pizza Lover

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