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Etiquette, please

Friday, February 23, 2018

Get headphones like the rest of us

Posted By on Fri, Feb 23, 2018 at 9:30 AM

To the dudes at a north end cafe blasting mostly shitty hip hop remixes on their laptops. I don't go blasting my music/ tv shows/ movies what have you in cafes and restaurants...know why? Because it's rude. Not everybody wants to hear your music blasting throughout the cafe. Don't think so? How would you like it if I started blasting my pop favourites, my ’90s jams, my hospital dramas, my favourite Disney theme songs what have you. Before you go thinking you have a free-standing entitlement to play shit from your laptop remember you would probably be pissed if everybody else acted on that entitlement, so learn some damn manners and get headphones like the rest of us you obnoxious jackasses. —Learn The Social Contract of Cafe Etiquette


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Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Chatting me up at the gym

Posted By on Tue, Feb 13, 2018 at 10:05 AM

We attend the same exercise class. I'm not there to chat with men I don't know, and my body language would make that pretty clear. Weekly, you make odd approaches where you come up and brag about your accomplishments. A new and unappreciated technique of yours is to comment on sections of the class where I seemed to get tired or modify. MY new approach is to try and keep my head down and avoid all eye contact, but even that fails me.

Here is what I struggle with—your small talk may seem polite enough to you, and you/people may think I was rude if I made a big public scene where I told you to take a hike. But actually, you are persistently making me uncomfortable, and THAT is rude. Up until now it has been my own fault that I have selected “not seeming rude” over my own comfort. Those days are over. Consider yourself warned. —Eyes On Your Own Mat


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Monday, December 18, 2017

Bearing your sole

Posted By on Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 4:31 PM

WE really should be thanking YOU. You know us (users of the scenic fifth floor reading room at the public library) and our repressed sexual proclivities (foot fetishes) even better than we know ourselves.  You know that we are all just sitting there pretending to read, but deep down we are DYING to see your bare-ass feet up on the coffee table. We await the moment you regularly come in, take off your shoes and socks, and unleash your sweaty man-hooves up on and all over the communal furniture, with  bonus titillation for those of us sexually aroused by foot fungus and general dude-foot gnarliness. Everyone who uses that reading room loves it, and what may seem like collective retching or an oppressive wave of utter disgust is actually all of us orgasming in unison. I’ve arranged for you to get the key to the city for your dedicated public service. —Repressed Foot Fetishist



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Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Hydrophobic City of Lakes

Posted By on Tue, Nov 28, 2017 at 4:30 PM

I can only assume that the average Dartmouth apartment does not include luxuries like running water or laundry rooms. What else might explain the overpowering nostril assault of armpit, crotch, stale cigarettes, and weed wafting from the masses on public transit past the bridge?  C'mon Dartmouth dwellers, let's have a personal hygiene moment every now and again—can’t let those Haligonians think we have no pride! —A Rare Bathing Dartmouthian


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Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Excuse me, excuse you

Posted By on Tue, Nov 7, 2017 at 4:39 PM

If a men glances once through a crack in a public men's room bathroom stall door to check out the situation, OK…Twice, just double-checkin', forgivable…but a third time! Gimme a fuckin' break bruv! And hey, I got a question for y'all readin’...If and when this shit does occur does not the man who was in there first and sitting reserve the right to say “What's up!?” or “Keep your eyes to yourself.” —WL


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Monday, October 30, 2017

There's a time and place for that sort of thing

Posted By on Mon, Oct 30, 2017 at 10:54 AM

I just used the public washroom at the Alderney branch library. The ladies’ room is small with two toilet stalls.  To the woman in the other stall:  it is incredibly rude and a violation of people's privacy to carry on a loud, detailed cell phone call while having a copious pee, wipe, 'n flush—with me stuck on the other side of the partition needing to do the same. Your behaviour is astonishingly vulgar and disrespectful of any other persons using a public space for a private function.  Were you raised in a slum? —Library Lover


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Thursday, October 26, 2017

The movie theatre is not your fucking living room

Posted By on Thu, Oct 26, 2017 at 4:03 PM

When did people decide it was OK to talk at full volume in movie theatres? Are you aware of how whispering works? Why did you spend 18 fucking dollars to see a movie in IMAX and then talk through the whole fucking thing? And did you think the 100 other people you were sharing the space with paid to see Blade Runner with exclusive commentary by two idiots who can't follow the plot? Are you so self absorbed you are not even aware of other people or do you just not give a shit?

I can't remember the last time I went to a movie and there wasn't at least two of you ignorant, selfish, inconsiderate assholes in the crowd. Movies have gotten expensive. I want to enjoy it in peace. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. —Quiet Viewer


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Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Move, bitch, swim out the way

Posted By on Tue, Oct 24, 2017 at 9:33 AM

Before I began swimming at the gym pool, I read the rules and policies. Clearly I'm the only one because most of you bozos didn't. Getting in a lane designated for laps and just floating there in the goddamn way instead of being in any of the huge open swim areas, putting yourselves in the path of oncoming swimmers, not circle-swimming, being a fucking nuisance. And if you bring your kids they're twice as bad. I don't understand how this many people can ignore signage or not follow the guidelines. It's a fun place and all but how can you consistently be this friggin' oblivious? Share the space! Jeez! —Mad Mermaid





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Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Rude dude

Posted By on Tue, Oct 10, 2017 at 4:41 PM

Hey! Yeah so you work at a brewery bar or whatever...that doesn't mean you have the right to go to whatever bar you want in Halifax and act like you own the place. Don't talk over bands, you dick! —You're Not Funny


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Tuesday, September 19, 2017

STFU

Posted By on Tue, Sep 19, 2017 at 3:15 PM

I don't care about your education but I care about mine. I'm paying good money to be here...So maybe when the instructor is instructing you shut the fuck up? Or leave.—Classless Class Chatter
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Tuesday, August 8, 2017

South End Car Alarm

Posted By on Tue, Aug 8, 2017 at 9:18 AM

For nearly a week now, a car in the south end area (around Lucknow) has had it's alarm set off over ten times a day. Everyday varies with when this obnoxious clown-horn sounding alarm echoes throughout my street and my home. At occasion, the deafening blare only vibrates my brain for thirty seconds - in others, it easily plays on repeat for the same duration of "American Pie." In this short amount of time it's taken me to transcribe my woos to share, the FUCKING alarm has blasted not once, not three times... no, but rather FIVE TIMES.

I put up with the drunks, screaming children, barking dogs, entitled neighbours, speeding cars, constant jackhammer construction and house parties all year long due to this location. I'm only complaining about one damned car alarm that wont stop screaming for attention. —Migraine Plagued





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Friday, July 7, 2017

Keep your shirts on

Posted By on Fri, Jul 7, 2017 at 5:02 PM

Men of Halifax who walk around topless on hot days...The streets are not the place to exhibit your bits, no matter how trimmed or fat they are. May it be known to you that you do not look appealing or even cool to any person of any gender that crosses your path. It is from borderline to full blown indecent. Keep it for the beach, your backyard or the comfort of your home. —Someone With A Sense of Healthy Social Boundaries


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Monday, June 12, 2017

Would you like an F off with that?

Posted By on Mon, Jun 12, 2017 at 4:12 PM

So at 10:10pm Thursday, June 8 I opened the door of a pizza location located to see if they had any "pizza to go.” Their website indicated they are open until 11pm but when I opened the door to their establishment I was greeted with an "Oh fuck off.” Now I am not a business major but I am pretty certain Business 101 says something like "...if you want to attract customers and build your business, don't tell your customers to F off" or something like that. —Hungry





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Saturday, May 20, 2017

Didn’t your mother teach you manners?

Posted By on Sat, May 20, 2017 at 10:45 AM

The runners and joggers in this city are rude as fuck. FYI: If you’re coming up behind someone with intention to pass, it’s common practice to say, “Excuse me!” That’s all you have to do. When you push past me without saying anything, it’s inconsiderate. When I’m walking my dog, you startle him and it’s dangerous. Seriously, learn some manners. —Out for a stroll





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Friday, April 21, 2017

Lo, the spring birds are tweeting (or are they? I can't tell)

Posted By on Fri, Apr 21, 2017 at 10:33 AM

Oh, darling motorcyclists—I do understand your feeling of joy and happiness as you get your bikes out and throw yourselves around the province. What I don't understand is why you have to rev at dangerously high volumes in residential areas. You're wearing earplugs, so you probably don't notice but even a few floors up my paint is peeling in shock. —Whassat you say?





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Vol 27, No 8
July 18, 2019

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