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Etiquette, please

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Tall lady with dark hair

Posted By on Thu, Sep 12, 2019 at 10:31 AM

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To the tall lady with dark hair who spoke to me today at the grocery store, saying you must really love your job bla bla bla and here's to you. I know now it's you who keeps drinking in the bathrooms. I know now it was you who put that beer can in the middle garbage. Do yourself a favour you bitch: GO TO THE FUCKEN BARS AND DRINK THERE STOP DRINKING AT THE GROCERY STORE FOR FUCK SAKE! Do you even know what a bar is duuuuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Take your alcholicisum and go drink at the bars, don't butter me up anymore with your "oh you're so good at your job" crap! It didn't work so fuck you bitch, go drink at the bars!
—I Know Now It's You!
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Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Skunky skunk

Posted By on Wed, Jul 17, 2019 at 12:56 PM

Hey neighbour! Why don't you smoke that skunky skunk in your house? What's that? Your wife doesn't want you stinking up your house?  Clearly, it comes as no surprise that my wife doesn't want you stinking my house? Anyway, I have a solution: Go ahead and smoke your pot in your yard—but have the decency to do it on the other side of your house where there are no neighbours.—Wafted wife wants me to throat-punch you
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Monday, July 15, 2019

Shut the fuck up already

Posted By on Mon, Jul 15, 2019 at 8:35 PM

Why, oh why, does anyone in their right mind spend good money on a concert ticket only to go and talk (yell) to their dumb, Instagram-scrolling friends? You, yes you, are ruining it for everyone else who has to stand within earshot of your inconsiderate ass. Do yourself a favour and don't waste your money — and please, do everyone else a favour and go do something else. Turn up your basic bitch Spotify algo and talk over Shawn Mendes with your halfwit squad in the comfort of your own fucking home, dumbass.—Fed up with festival talkers
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Sunday, July 14, 2019

If looks could kill

Posted By on Sun, Jul 14, 2019 at 8:00 AM

Really, former employer, do I intimidate you that much? I saw a former employer around town a year after they fired me. I kindly said 'Hi.' What I got in return is an eye roll and the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen someone give. —Kill them bitches with kindness
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Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Pick at home and cover your mouth

Posted By on Tue, Jul 9, 2019 at 8:17 AM

Seriously? You believe the best place to pick at your fly bites and scabs is at the bus stop and on the bus? Not only were you picking—not scratching, but full on picking—your fly bites and scabs, but then you were wiping the blood onto your legs, arms and the bus seat. Come the hell on! How were you raised? No one wants to see that shit. It's disgusting. Then to top it all off you start sneezing with your yap wide open spreading your snot and spit all over the place for all to enjoy. Thanks so much for that. The topper to all of this was the huge wad of spit you graciously left on the side of the street before getting on the bus. Grow up and get some manners. I feel bad for whomever had to sit next to you on the bus.
—Wishing for some hand sanitizer
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Monday, July 8, 2019

Bridge Commission shout out

Posted By on Mon, Jul 8, 2019 at 3:34 PM

To the lovely woman who saved us so graciously when we embarrassingly pulled into a MacPass Only lane: Your sweet customer service made our day! —Need glasses
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Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Can't we just be nice to everyone

Posted By on Wed, Jun 19, 2019 at 2:38 PM

I'm tired of being treated like shit by my customers in the retail industry (and I'm sure other industries feel this too). It is my job to talk to you when you walk into my store. I have to say hello. I have to ask you if you need any help. It's my job to tell you the price of an item. The amount of customers who won't even let me greet them is astonishing. The amount of "Hi, how are you?" responded with "Just looking" makes me exhausted. I'm being nice and I'm trying to help you. Let me do my job. If you can't handle the social interaction just stick to amazon.ca.

Also, many people have never had to work in retail and it really shows! The amount of people who get upset with the associate for a policy or sale that is out of their control is ridiculous. I've been called a cunt and a bitch for something out of my control. It does nothing to help your situation and makes the associate feel like shit.

If you're reading this, please be nice to those whose job it is to interact with you, we just want you to be nice.
—Tired of crappy customers

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Sunday, June 16, 2019

Dear Fuckboys

Posted By on Sun, Jun 16, 2019 at 1:51 PM

If ya'll losers want to get some this spring fling season, get off Tinder and join the land of the living. Bring back chivalry and etiquette, the art of courtship. Carry yourselves with class. If you want to date me, you will need to ask me out on a date 48 hours in advance. So for a Saturday night date, you will need to ask me on or before Thursday. At which time, you should have a plan for said date, ie: dinner and a time in which you will be picking me up or meeting me at the restaurant (depending on how well I know you). Do not call me after 8pm on the evening that you would like to see me, because I won't even answer your call, let alone accept your request.

If by the third date, I have not received flowers, I will be cutting you loose.

You are not to be on your cell phone at all during our dates. Be present, be interesting. Don't talk about yourself the whole time either, you narcissists. Conversations should be give and take. Pay the dinner tab and at the end of the night, don't expect a payoff. You will be getting a peck if you're lucky. If I feel you're worthy of a second date, you better bring your A game. If you get to a third date, and get lucky, take yourself off dating sites and try to seek a commitment. Otherwise, I will assume you are a fuckboy and cut you loose.
—Miss Manners
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Friday, June 14, 2019

Point Pleasant Park and dog owners

Posted By on Fri, Jun 14, 2019 at 1:26 PM

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So this weekend an absolute psycho who had their dog off-leash in PPP during a marathon caused a runner to trip over it. Said psycho then got in their car, chased the runner, and then assaulted them.

A lot of people will rush to say this kind of behaviour is not indicative of the average dog owner in PPP, but that's bullshit.

As someone who walks/runs in the park often, it's amazing how absolutely inconsiderate and irresponsible most of the dog owners are by allowing their poorly trained pets to impede you constantly. While not much of an issue while walking, for those running and biking in the park it causes a serious health risk to both themselves and the dog.

PPP is for supposed to be for everyone, despite what the hordes of shitty dog owners seem to think.
—TheParkWhisperer

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Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Streets as garbage bins

Posted By on Tue, May 21, 2019 at 3:47 PM

To the person who chucked their whole McDonald's lunch litter into the middle of Dublin Street between Young and Cork Streets on May 21st, here's the refuse you refused to recycle or even take home: large paper bag (recyclable), burger carton (recyclable), two paper napkins (compostable), a whole large bacon and cheddar angus bun (compostable.), a salad container (garbage) the container cover (recyclable), an unopened package of croutons (compostable and recyclable), a plastic fork (recyclable) the fork wrapper (recyclable), a paper and plastic bag (recyclable) and a very large piece of garbage: You! Lots of retired people live along there and some have surveillance and are hyper vigilant. One lady I spoke with saw the bag being chucked and others may have you on their cameras. The world can't afford trash like you any more. Smarten up. You're being watched more than you think.
—Tired of trash chuckers
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Monday, January 28, 2019

To the farter at the gym

Posted By on Mon, Jan 28, 2019 at 5:17 PM

Not to sound like a bro, but could I kindly ask that when I am doing my morning exercises at the gym that you not fart near the weights? As you may or may not know, breathing is a huge part in getting those "gains" and...yeah breathing that is not pleasant.

I would like to point out that it's a normal function of the body, but I mean to be honest, it really smelled like doo-doo. Time and place for everything.

Thank you.
—R Kray

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Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Please don't spit on the sidewalk

Posted By on Tue, Oct 9, 2018 at 2:46 PM

To the young man standing outside the barbershop, smoking a joint and coughing up several (seven actually) unique balls of gob from your throat and projecting them across the pavement toward the bus stop where I was standing tonight, I'd just like to let you know that you are not cool. In fact, you are so gross I nearly vomited. On the last gob, I couldn't help emitting a little "Ugh" sound, and when you looked over, I told you how much I felt like vomiting. You cheerfully replied "it's only spit, dear." No it fucking wasn't. It was half the contents of your diseased lungs and it was so horrid and antisocial. Next time, spit AWAY from people. Thank you.
—Spitting mad
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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Simple sidewalk etiquette

Posted By on Wed, Sep 12, 2018 at 5:04 PM

1. If you are walking in a group, don't spread out to take up the entire goddamn sidewalk—especially when you see someone walking toward you. It won't kill you to stop talking for 10 seconds and walk in single file to get out of the way so other people aren't forced off the sidewalk.
2. If you're walking alone, don't weave back and forth across the entire sidewalk. Someone might want to try to pass you and we can't do that if you keep meandering randomly from side to side in front of us. Unless you're absolutely fucking shitfaced, there's no reason for it. And speaking of passing...
3. Just like in a car, if someone behind you speeds up to pass you, don't speed up to match them. I know it's kind of a Nova Scotia tradition, but it's not a race. Some people are gonna walk faster than you. Get over it and let them walk by.
Done being run off the sidewalk
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Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Birthday blues

Posted By on Tue, Jun 19, 2018 at 9:23 AM

Why do you bring up my birthday and my age every time I see you?  It isn’t just cruel  but also weird and just plain bad manners. Stop being such a passive-aggressive bully. —IB

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Monday, May 28, 2018

Movie theatre etiquette

Posted By on Mon, May 28, 2018 at 4:26 PM

I hate the movie theatre rocker seats! I’m tall and I like my kneecaps, so when you sit your fat ass down in front of me, don’t throw yourself in the seat. Gently sit down and do NOT rock on! It’s not a frickin’ metal concert! —G. Rant

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In Print This Week

Vol 27, No 16
September 12, 2019

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