Angry? Mad as hell and you can't take it anymore? Get something off your chest and it could be published online and/or in print. Bitches are anonymous and may be edited for length, grammar, spelling and our lenient standards of propriety.
I haven't been in the dating game for five years and what a rude awakening—times have changed!! I feel like I am drowning in a hopeless pit of Haligonian men who can't even commit to a date let alone a relationship! It's so disheartening that this is the state of our society. Apparently even in their mid-30s these men can't get it together. —Single Now and Maybe Forever
Where did all of the good women go?
That is the "nice guys'" repeating motto.
We are still here, I tell you true;
but nice is not how we shall see you.
We have grown up, looking for more,
but what we've found, we avoid for sure.
You might be great, but the problem, see,
is first impressions are the key.
So here is what I've found to be,
the most annoying to single ladies:
No written words, one single photo,
with a left swipe, that's where you'll go.
You've lots of friends, this I can see,
but group pics are no way to be,
my eye may catch, but in the end,
it could be you, or your best friend.
If I don't know, or cannot tell,
I'll soon give up: left swipe, farewell!
So dial it down to only one man
(preferably you. No catfish scam).
All us women love a pretty view,
So give us lots of pics to go through!
So now you have more than one pic
and it’s just you and you look slick,
there are more things you should consider
when choosing pics that will deliver.
We want to see the real you,
don't hide your face with angles, dude.
Stop with all the pictures of back tattoos,
please be in focus and not in costume.
We wish more smiles were on your face
and less sunglasses in every place
and no more shirtless bathroom pics,
no more bar photos with drunk chicks.
Are you trying to flip me the bird?
It is unclear and just absurd
and who is that child? Can you explain?
Shown only once, never mentioned again!?
It’s fine to say at a later date,
Just don’t show the kid, that would be great.
It’s cool that you go to the gym a lot
but cocky is how those pics come across.
I promise that we can see you’re fit,
no need to draw attention to it.
And please write something, ANYTHING will do!
Your profile helps us learn about you.
Say something relatable and true,
who knows? I could relate to it too.
But lying helps neither of us,
so don’t do that, it’s a big plus.
And keep it light and positive,
no one wants to talk when you’re negative.
It’s fine to start with a "Hello,"
show interest and conversations flow
but if it is not meant to be,
just say goodbye (and politely).
Don’t call me ugly, fat or rude,
don’t Casper me, like children do,
don’t make it harder than it has to be,
and try not to take it personally.
Dating is hard in a city this small,
it’s not Pokémon, you can’t catch us all.
We’re all still learning, this game is new
and harder than it should be, too.
You want respect, not to waste your time,
so give it back and don’t waste mine.
I know we’ll learn along the way,
so be honest and kind and seek what you say.
—Single Women Everywhere
The farts and feminism method.
Step 1: Drink an entire bottle of cheap wine. The kind with high sulfur content. Do not decant.
Step 2: Invite your lover over for “Netflix and chill” approximately eight hours later.
Step 3: By the time he arrives, the uncontrollable flatulence will have filled your apartment with a hotbox of unbearable rotten egg stank that no amount of air freshener or open windows could possibly clear.
Step 4: Proceed to discuss an article you read about feminism. Be sure to bring up the wage gap at least a couple of times!
Step 5: Watch him struggle to come up with a reason he has to leave as he scrambles to the door, boner killed, never to be heard from again. —Oopsy
When you're a plus-sized woman whose casual encounters numbers are a hell of a lot higher than the serious relationships score (and not by your choice), you begin to accept whatever you are able get out of the people that you're into, but claim they're only looking for something casual. Then a few weeks/months pass by and they’re in a serious relationship with some chick half your size. Sounds quite pathetic of me, I know. How’s that saying go? “You only accept the love you think you deserve”?
Well, girl, when the only form of love you’re getting is behind closed doors, you either need to deal with the emotional hurt and enjoy what you do get or sit alone in your bed for hours watching the same damn Netflix shows over and over again.
And when I say plus-sized, I'm not talking in the “big tits, big ass” way or even in the chubby in the right places, got a bit of a belly type. I'm talking chubby in all the "wrong" places, small tits, small ass, big belly type. Don’t get me wrong, I love the current body I have and I’m comfortable in my own skin and work towards being the best damn me I can be. But, there are still quite a few people who haven't been able to accept me for who I am. People that don't even play a part in my life, but feel the need they have to. Anyway, that's a whole other jar of pickles that doesn't need to opened right now.
I’m not saying that everyone has to be attracted to the plus-sized body type. We all have our own preferences, traits, interests that we look for in people. I would never think less of anyone that didn’t want to date me due to my body type, I’m sure there’s something about them that could be a deal breaker for me as well. What I'm talking about are the ones that are sexually attracted to you and have expressed and shown this, but are scared to admit it either themselves or others.So, they want to keep you as their dirty little secret. Whatever the reasoning behind it, it doesn’t feel too damn good.
The only explanation I've been able to come up with is that, of course, they’re not going to want to show off someone like me to their friends and family. Most people consider their partner as a type of ‘prize’ for all to see. Especially in heterosexual relationships, women are famous for being the ‘pretty thing' on the man's arm. Well, when the only 'pretty thing' the mass majority of people will see on your girl is her personality and maybe some of her facial features. You don’t get very far.
I know some of you could be thinking “Wow, that sucks. People shouldn’t care what others think if they’re into someone,” cliché saying, etc, etc. But let's get real, people. Talk is cheap. I have been in the dating world too long to try to hide behind it any longer. Sure, it’s gotten a lot better over the years. People are definitely more accepting and open than they used to be, but it’s still a mess out there.
So, for all of you who have fell victim to this: You’re not alone. For all of you who have just realized how you might be making people feel, go suck an egg. You knew what you were doing, no one can be that oblivious. —Fatty With No Daddy