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Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Online Dating How-To For Men (In a poem)

Posted By on Wed, Feb 14, 2018 at 9:30 AM

Where did all of the good women go?
That is the "nice guys'" repeating motto.
We are still here, I tell you true;
but nice is not how we shall see you.
We have grown up, looking for more,
but what we've found, we avoid for sure.
You might be great, but the problem, see,
is first impressions are the key.
So here is what I've found to be,
the most annoying to single ladies:

No written words, one single photo,
with a left swipe, that's where you'll go.
You've lots of friends, this I can see,
but group pics are no way to be,
my eye may catch, but in the end,
it could be you, or your best friend.
If I don't know, or cannot tell,
I'll soon give up: left swipe, farewell!
So dial it down to only one man
(preferably you. No catfish scam).
All us women love a pretty view,
So give us lots of pics to go through!

So now you have more than one pic
and it’s just you and you look slick,
there are more things you should consider
when choosing pics that will deliver.
We want to see the real you,
don't hide your face with angles, dude.
Stop with all the pictures of back tattoos,
please be in focus and not in costume.
We wish more smiles were on your face
and less sunglasses in every place
and no more shirtless bathroom pics,
no more bar photos with drunk chicks.

Are you trying to flip me the bird?
It is unclear and just absurd
and who is that child? Can you explain?
Shown only once, never mentioned again!?
It’s fine to say at a later date,
Just don’t show the kid, that would be great.
It’s cool that you go to the gym a lot
but cocky is how those pics come across.
I promise that we can see you’re fit,
no need to draw attention to it.

And please write something, ANYTHING will do!
Your profile helps us learn about you.
Say something relatable and true,
who knows? I could relate to it too.
But lying helps neither of us,
so don’t do that, it’s a big plus.
And keep it light and positive,
no one wants to talk when you’re negative.

It’s fine to start with a "Hello,"
show interest and conversations flow
but if it is not meant to be,
just say goodbye (and politely).
Don’t call me ugly, fat or rude,
don’t Casper me, like children do,
don’t make it harder than it has to be,
and try not to take it personally.
Dating is hard in a city this small,
it’s not Pokémon, you can’t catch us all.
We’re all still learning, this game is new
and harder than it should be, too.

You want respect, not to waste your time,
so give it back and don’t waste mine.
I know we’ll learn along the way,
so be honest and kind and seek what you say.
—Single Women Everywhere

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