Whoever told you that going to your ex-girlfriend’s university and telling her new friends about all the girls you banged behind her back would be a good idea was lying to you. And whoever told you a good excuse to tell me when I confront you about it is that you said it to look cool was probably a great fucking friend. Thanks for wasting years that I could have had sex with hotter guys than you. And stop trying to text me—you’re wasting my data. —Forever Waiting for You to Get a High Schooler Pregnant