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Friday, April 24, 2015

Too Hot To Handle?

Posted on Fri, Apr 24, 2015 at 4:00 AM

Halifax, I have been inside you for almost 700 days, I would like to know why you are pushing me out of bed, and making me feel like my tits are weird or that I have bad breath. I shower most days. I am very apt at producing jokes. I understand basic English and also buying a beer to seal the deal. But you are a hard date to get to bed with. I know I did not go to school in Paris. I know my outfits don't carry as much plumage as you. I know that I don't know all the people you know and have been in your bed almost your entire life, and what I know most of all is that I am not going to whore myself to get you drooling bud. I've been around, you know (in other beds) and most beds are very kind to new "comers” (in fact, it makes them wet with excitement). I am trying really hard to get under the covers here, but I feel like I'm trying to score with my high school life. I know that being wanted is really important for you, and I know you like to have your bed made the same way every day, but you're giving me blue balls. I think you need to read the New York Times tomorrow morning, while you lay in bed, nonchalantly after all that sex you've have with your buds, and read The Moral Bucket List. Because there is such a thing as self-satisfied moral mediocrity. —BlueBallsNovaScotia

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