Hey, you know what makes Winter Solstice the longest night of the year? It's not the alignment of the planets, but the tiresome bongo dirges you're banging out around your artisanal fire pit. I'm not sure whose parents bought you the eco-manse in the working class part of town, but I bet they'd be ashamed that you're polluting the neighbourhood at 2am on a Monday morning with your shitty "music." Please stop it and please move to an intentional community on the Eastern Shore instead of trying to live in reality with the rest of us. —I'm tired. Fuck you.