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Monday, April 9, 2012

Back off mom!

Posted on Mon, Apr 9, 2012 at 10:18 AM

You know ‘THE’ lecture childless women: ‘when you have children’ or ‘you have no idea what free time is…’, ‘your life will otherwise be unfulfilled’ etc.

I am an auntie to many, a godmother to some and a mommy to none. It is difficult and draining to raise children, it seeps time, energy, resources and often the stress tests relationships. I empathize. ‘It is a love you will never know unless you experience it yourself’. I get it, OK, I’ve not experienced this love apparently, fair enough. ‘You don’t understand and won’t understand until you have children of your own’. I actually agree, I won’t experience this – well, can’t. It doesn’t pain me overwhelmingly at the moment though, maybe it never will or I’ll be filled with regret at the end of my life. It has been known to go either way. If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard THE lecture, I’d have a room full of dimes.

Women, stop lecturing childless women. We don’t need it. If we won’t understand until we have children of our own, then leave it be and we’ll figure it out then, so stop trying to explain it! Women rarely give THE lecture to men. Lucky, because I have a friend whose partner has had a few heart gripping pregnancy losses. He doesn’t advertise it on his t-shirt. But his feelings are spared because he wouldn’t get THE lecture. Women generally lecture other women on this topic. I’ve had 4 pregnancy losses. I’m moving on, I don’t wear this on a t-shirt either. Stop it mothers, how do you presume to lecture women whose private histories you know nothing of? You risk a lot with that needless lecture, a lot of pain or simple offense. Even if offense were not a risk, I don’t know one childless woman who really needs (other than pre-pregnant teens) or wants the lecture again. People make choices all the time; women are rarely lectured so continually about their choices other than in the baby forum, and it is such a personal forum! Why presume entitlement to give this lecture? Think about it: we all have reasons for what we do, where we are in life and whether or not we have children. For many, having children is simply not an option, for some, it is a choice. For you mom, it is none your bees wax - unless WE open the discussion. So, back off moms, just back off. —Sans Enfant

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