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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Two's a crowd

Posted on Wed, Mar 21, 2012 at 10:41 AM

Stop touching me. I'm not "weird" for not wanting your nasty hands all over me. I'm not "a bitch" for telling you to go fuck yourself when you got drunk and slapped my ass last week and I'm not "a tease" because when you decided to corner me and kiss me on the weekend I pushed your creepy ass away. I HAVE MADE THIS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS, PREDATOR. You are my roommate and that is the MOST we will ever, EVER be. I don't care how drunk you are or entitled you feel or lonely you may be, this shit stops. NOW.

Let me lay this on the table in case your ego is still not hearing me. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. The thought of kissing you makes me want to puke. I'd rather sleep with my fat cousin than with you. I am completely, and without question or exception, 100% NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU or any component part of you. The mere consideration that you might be a sexual being makes me want to set myself on fire.

Is that clearer?

So that's it. If you EVER touch me again I will slap you with a sexual harassment suit so tangled your great-grandkids will be on the abuse-registry. It's not cute. It's not okay and it is absolutely against the law.

Hear me this time, asshat? Oh yeah. And here's your two week's notice you fucking pig. I'm moving out. P.S. I now have the first cold sore of my life because of your dirty-ass kiss. Get that shit cleaned up and stay the hell away from me. —Soon To Be Ex-Roommate

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