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Monday, January 23, 2012

"Are you eating THAT?"

Posted on Mon, Jan 23, 2012 at 12:00 PM

If you mean, “Am I eating that?” as in am I eating that, am I seriously eating that, as in you’re outwardly voicing strong disapproval for my order, the answer is unless I’m S’ing your D on a regular basis, don’t worry about what’s going in and out of my mouth.

And if you’re asking, “Am I eating that?” as in ‘the rest of that,’ I have to wonder if you’re inquiring because you think I’ve had enough already, or because I’m eating too slowly for your liking, or because you want what’s left of my dish. The truth is, I was considering it, finishing my food. I was considering it and I was leaning toward ‘no’ until you asked. Now I’m unsure if you think I’m a heifer, if you think I’m digesting my food at an offensively sluggish rate, or if you’re trying to finish the dinner that I’m paying for — and the mere suggestion of the first two has made me both lose my appetite and desire nothing more than to deny you my scraps. I’m just going to sit here and push my food around my plate until the check comes. Happy? —Yes, I'm Really Going to Eat This

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