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Friday, January 20, 2012

Bribery

Posted on Fri, Jan 20, 2012 at 10:45 AM

If I win the lottery, I will be standing in the women's washroom at the university handing out twenty dollar bills to women who are able to use the toilets without urinating all over the seats AND can flush when they are finished. I empathize with the lives of busy university students: I understand that you must have a lot on your minds, especially if you are forgetting basic toileting routines. I imagine a small bribe will be the encouragement you need to ensure your bodily waste makes its way to a waste treatment plant. Until the day I am a multigabillionaire and can fund this venture, I will continue flushing your blood-soaked one-ply down the toilet, choking back vomit because I've glimpsed the fruits of your digestive system, and working my quads because I am too paranoid to sit on a toilet seat. —Benevolent Sarcasm

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