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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Invisible old me

Posted on Wed, Jan 18, 2012 at 11:47 AM

What do I have to do to get you to notice me? Do I have to stand in front of you and take all my clothes off or set myself on fire? I've written a love to you. Maybe you have no idea it's me, but my goodness you have to know by now. Not once in my life have I not been rejected. Not even once. So I can't bring myself to tell you how I feel as I would die of embarrassment and I can't go through that again, it's happened too many times in the past. All I can do is make passive aggressive hints that are so fucking obvious because I'm too broken to be upfront. Writing that love was the farthest I can go. Truly I cannot fathom admitting my feelings to you. I want you to make the first move. I want you to want me but I know you never will or never would because why would you? I had this stupid idea you did once upon a time and it was like I was this close to having you, until that punch in the stomach. But since no one else ever has I should not have expected anything different. Odd thing about this is that I don't even think I would be comfortable being with you. You're too hot to feel comfortable with but that's not what I like about you. I like your intelligence and your brilliance and the fact that you are a good and kind person and you have your head on your shoulders. I could never get naked with you to be truthful so what would be the point anyways? It still kills me that I don't exist to you since I have a good idea what your type is and I am not it. You might claim that that isn't true, but actions speak louder than words and that time when I thought something might happen I fell flat on my face and felt stupid in the process. I wasn't surprised to be truthful so I suppose it was simply more of the same and I know how to deal with it at least. I wish with all my heart that I didn't give a fuck but I do and that is why I'm bitching; it isn't because I am invisible to you, it's because I let my heart get tangled up in an unbearable ache that is killing me and because I have done this before and swore I would not do it again. —Nobody Special (To You)

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