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Monday, November 7, 2011

To My Inconsiderate, Loudmouthed, Douchebag Roommates

Posted on Mon, Nov 7, 2011 at 11:49 AM

Listen guys, I get it. It's been a long week and you just want to unwind and party with friends. And that's fine, good for you. But for the fucking love of god, please stop being so fucking loud! I have to get up tomorrow morning at 6 to go to work, and what with the doorbell constantly fucking ringing like its only purpose is to drive me batshit insane (just fucking tell your friends to text you when they get here!), and gangs of drunk people walking up the stairs like a herd of obese elephants, talking like their voice box was magically fused with a megaphone (it's called an inside voice. Remember, you asshats? From kindergarten?) I haven't been able to get one single god damned second of sleep.

And to the motherfucking idiot who keeps slamming the doors; Dude, you need to go to anger management classes, or join a fucking kick boxing club or something, because, seriously, the amount of force you use to simply shut a door is not fucking normal and it just screams of deep seated anger issues. I understand your need to work that shit out, but can you not do it in the house when there are people (mainly me) trying to sleep? How about you go outside and start fucking punching street signs or some other dumb shit like that? Or maybe smoke a joint and just chill the fuck out?

Jesus Christ, you fucking shitfucks piss me the fuck off! And I can't even tell you off because I have to live with you for the rest of the fucking year so I have to be polite. GODDAMN IT!!!! I'm spitting in all your coffees tomorrow morning. —Sleepless in Halifax

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