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Monday, July 4, 2011

Uterus from Hell

Posted on Mon, Jul 4, 2011 at 11:26 AM

I wish you would leave me alone. Actually, I wish I could reach in and rip you out every single month. You cause me so me much trouble, the cramps the lost sleep the ruined underthings. Why do you treat me so bad ? So what, I say bad things about you to my girlfriends and to doctors who will listen but only because you are so bad to me. Pills won't help. Hot baths won't calm you. I know you need stronger medication that only a doctor can prescribe but if I am always at the ER getting a dose of the good stuff then my name will be put on a list and I will get nothing, ever, and that's not fair to me.

If you keep causing me trouble the doctors will remove you from my body. At least thats the plan. At this point I think there might be a conspiracy between you and the doctors. A torture test of sorts. Let's see how much pain a person can tolerate. It's the 'on a scale of 1 to 10 whats the pain level?' question that pisses me off from the person at triage who is always a man. Let's see, on a scale of 1 to 10 how would it feel if I grabbed ahold of your testicles and squeezed them into one tiny mass? Would anyone ever go to the ER for pain at a level 1? I don't think so, since anyone who has ever been there knows regardless of what you are there for it will be at least a 5 hour trip. So we all do the math before we go. I do math by the amount of pills already in my system to the amount of pain I am still in and how many more pills I can safely consume before either the pain stops or my liver shuts down.

Start treating me better or else. Your days are numbered. You have outstayed your welcome and if you won't leave on your own (like maybe you could fall out when I am running for the bus) then one day you will be surgically removed from the premises. —Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman with a Hateful Uterus

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