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Thursday, March 3, 2011


Posted on Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 10:29 AM

Let me paint you a bleak picture... while waiting in line for coffee, I, along with all those in line, notice a lady obviously being stupid and neglectful by dropping her coffee while collecting her buttery bagel or buttery breakfast sandwich or buttery treat (with extra butter). Embarrassed, she scoops it up and high-tails it out of the shop. Smooth move ex-lax. Then this Captain McDouchey Canuck steps out of line to defend us all and retrieves a 'slippery when wet' sign to place around said coffee spill. He places it ever so gingerly and gets back in line. I suppose he did so as if we weren't going to notice a puddle of coffee on a LIGHT BLUE, tile floor. The world is saved! Douche. The lady being served in line immediately turns right and steps directly in said puddle! I know I was momentarily stunned... but this woman has obviously been stunned for much, much longer. I'm thinking birth... or soon thereafter. A sigh could not be loud enough.

Trying not to lose faith in humanity, I order my coffee and surprisingly I am successful! No spills, accidents, or super-villains getting in the way.... my world was slowly being restored until...

I turn to leave and notice it's been mopped up! Excellent, except now the attendant is putting yet another 'slippery when wet' sign. Another one... two signs, one after the other. I'm not sure if it's for the skeptical people who think the shop is lying to them and they blatantly refuse to believe the first one or some sort of subliminal messaging. I don't know. All I know is that it was completely useless and I hope you enjoyed burning those 3 calories it took to place it there.

Debating going home because I've obviously awoken in bizarro world, I head up to go to work when what do I see? A 'slippery when wet' sign on the carpet.

Brawndo is obviously in the drinking water because my bed is a newly discovered time machine! I've awoken well into the future where the morons that keep popping out multiple idiot children have definitely taken over. —Thiz iZ for realz

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