I find around this time of year I have a lot of bad memories flooding back. I stay up at night crying my heart out because of a father who was a gambler and didn't celebrate Christmas. Everything I got he either wanted to play with it first or read it first. He would fight and argue with my mom. My own grandfather had to come and string lights on our house and his own cause my father wouldn't do it. My mom put up the tree herself and decorated it, she was the one who stood in line and waited for stuff (popular presents). He would leave us in the cold truck when he visited his friend when we went out looking at lights. I always went to Christmas service with my grandfather because mom was working and my grandmother was cooking. This time of year doesn't hold the greatest memories but I am struggling to create my own but still doesn't help my sleep or crying over a gambling father who is now dead. —Hate the bad memories and losing sleep