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Sunday, August 8, 2010

Learn To Ride A Bike

Posted on Sun, Aug 8, 2010 at 10:17 PM

Alright. We get it. You're riding a bike because you're being eco-friendly (bullshit, your old, fixed-gear bike from circa 1975 has more lead in the paint alone than a lead vest) or trying to be ironic/trendy. But here's the thing: you clearly don't know how to ride a bike.

First, you were riding in traffic, and not once did I see you look behind you. This, in the absence of your bike not having mirrors. This isn't some lonely country road in France. Do you have ESP?

Secondly, you cut me off. Me, in a car, and you on a bike. Let's talk basic physics here. Your bike can move/brake/turn quickly. My car in relation to your bike cannot maneuver nearly as quickly. Yet, you seemed surprised when I honked at you, because my hood almost drove that milk crate up your ass... Why were you surprised?

Finally, you clearly wanted to get onto the bridge (which precipitated your sharp turn in the first place)... So why were you riding down the middle of Wyse Road, as oppose to sticking to the right hand side, like any normal person?

And some people have the nerve to whine about a nanny state. It's stunts like this that make helmets mandatory. Maybe we should go a step further and make bike licenses mandatory. Also, while we're at it; whatever you had painted all over your helmet made it look like a goddamn couch. It's not artistic. It actually ruins the helmet. Good luck in suing anyone that hits you or redeeming any insurances you have if you get any head injuries from a crash. —The Fever


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