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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Don't Want to be in Love

Posted on Wed, Jun 30, 2010 at 2:43 PM

It had a funny way of sneaking up on me.

To love you now is to lose you forever, but If I contain it, I think my heart will explode.

I don't like this unexplainable feeling of love. I tried denial; rationalizing the feelings from when we first met as a silly crush, assuming the feelings were there just because you actually seemed to care for my well-being, entertained the thought of just being in love with how you made me feel.

Now that there's a possibility of us (circumstance wise), I'm only becoming frustrated with my heart because I know there is no possibility for us (reality wise). You know too much about me, and I'm so entrenched in the friend zone, that to share my feelings would be alienating and awkward. It's gotten to the point where I can barely look at you without a twinge of sadness. I want to be with you every moment I can, and every moment I am I can only regret I can't be closer.

Is this love? I wrote a Love here a few months ago. Apparently it should have been a Psst... Those feelings have only gotten stronger. I wish I could linger in this feeling of bliss, this love. But it's false hope.

This is a bitch at my own heart. This is a bitch at you. This is a bitch because I'm so in love it hurts. —Friend Zone

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