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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

An Open Letter To My Fellow Cranky, Old, Reactionaries

Posted on Tue, Jun 29, 2010 at 1:05 AM

Like you I watched this weekend as downtown Toronto was reduced to the level of a Mogadishu with pretentious brew-pubs. Like you I came close to bursting blood vessels in my skull that I didn't even know I had. Like you I had to resist the urge to embrace globalization by putting my fist through my flat screen and then rushing out to the nearest big box chain and buying another. Like you I laughed my ass off at the sight of police officers laying the lumber on choking, teary-eyed hippies. Like you I played the G-20 drinking game, taking a big snort of Coors Lite every time somebody made a Guantanamo Bay reference.

But, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE stop making the suggestion that these professionally irate malcontents and scruffy vandals should be "Put into uniform and sent to Afghanistan"

Whether you agree with the mission or not, this country has a far better military than it has any right to expect; and the ego-driven shit-stains that I saw being carted away wouldn't even make a decent skid mark on a pair of army issue boxer shorts.

Our men and women in uniform deserve a whole lot better than to be mentioned in the same breath as those wankers. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to those who believe that anarchism means smashing the windows of coffee shops, rote memorizing Chomsky, eating cold K-D out of an "X-Men 2" promotional frisbee or banging their punk-tang of the week on top of a 5 day old pizza box while their comrades do bong hits in the living room; by all means, send them to the tribal areas of Pakistan, or West Africa or Somalia.

Let them have all the anarchy they can handle - jammed up their sophomoric asses an inch at a time. Just not wearing the uniform of my country. —The Colonel


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