I am at the end of my rope. I have this inner turmoil that tells me I need to make my peace with the person you are because your lifestyle is going to kill you soon. I cant make peace with it, because I know you are better than it. You are a shell of your former self, and I hate that you cant see that. Look at your life and the changes that have happened. You have pushed everyone that really cares about you away. I know that deep down you love me in your twisted way, but its just not enough. My heart hurts thinking about our relationship and what its become. You make no effort to contact me at all. Dont you notice that its always me calling you to check in? You are supposed to be my father. I have made peace with the fact that you are utterly unreliable in every way, but you were such a dick last night. I was genuinely shocked.

You and your alcoholic whore girlfriend are fucked beyond words. Half of my clients are less fucked up than you guys, which is really saying something. You wonder why your kids dont come over, well its because we are functional stable people, and an environment like that is just chaos. We arent into partying ALL THE TIME and its not cool to see you so fucked up. Yes, I know its "just alcohol" as you say, but the continuous abuse has warped your mind. Havent you noticed that your so called "old school" mentality is inaccurate, you think you are healthy!!??? YOU JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK, your leg, knee and arm is broken (from drinking and falling), you have lung problems. Dad you need to stop drinking and smoking like this. You cannot seriously think that this is okay.

I dont know how to proceed. I truly fucking hate HATE the person that you are right now. Its so frustrating, because I love you too and I miss you.