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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Hooray for the Olympics!

Posted on Wed, Dec 2, 2009 at 10:33 AM

The Olympic organizers in Vancouver have sent out a directive to all artists, musicians and performers associated with the event. It stipulates that no-one will speak critically of the event, or its sponsors, by any means whatsoever...that means neither spoken to the media, in any song lyrics, in any piece of art or theatre and so on...
That's a tall (gag) order for most folks in the arts, but if you want to be involved you have to sign this contractual agreement, or face a "stern letter" and who knows what else!
So I thought I'd offer up a top ten list of "nice things that any performer can say about the Olympics without "offending" the wealthy elite in the audience, or the organizers themselves... 10) Hey, homeless folk, being whisked off to a forced shelter ain't so bad. We'll have you back on the streets in no time, as soon as the fun is over.
9) OK, so the Native-Canadians in Lake Cowichan got the shaft on the whole sweater deal, but you can still get a $200 Olympic sweater. What's so bad about a lovely "Lake Kawai-chan" anyway?
8) I know the children's choir from Newfoundland is heartbroken after being 'bumped' from the Olympic opening ceremonies, but as many Vancouverites are saying, "The best spots should go to CANADIANS, from CANADA!"
7) We should all just relax about this whole censorship thing, after all, it was almost this bad in Beijing.
6) Listen, Stephen Harper and the Conservatives COULD have stepped in and helped the girls get their ski jumping, but being out there in the freezing cold, flying through the air, risking their lives - is this REALLY a "woman's place", ?
5) Don't worry about the poor funding of our Canadian Olympic teams, or cuts to school athletic programs in general; we may not win much in the Olympics, but aren't we "winning" in Afghanistan?
4) Are you worried about the weary, the huddled masses, and the poor? Well, so are the Olympic organizers. Fortunately, ridiculously high prices and gouging along with "protest-free" zones means we won't see many of those unpleasant people after all.
3) Are you worried that the high ticket prices indicate that the Olympics has become a greedy corporate monster concerned only with profit? Don't be; much of the obscene profit was snatched up in hours by Vancouver's infamous ticket scalpers, and they're mostly small time "entrepreneurs", not corporations.
2) Just like after Expo '86, the world's attention during the Olympics will be on the Vancouver area, and we can expect even MORE foreign investors to snatch up all the real-estate, sight unseen, at even more outlandish prices. The massive increase in rents over the next years will be a GREAT excuse to finally move back to your parents' basement in Prince George! I hear it's lovely up there in the summer.
And the number one benefit for artists and musicians to having the games in Vancouver?
1) Just think, all those 'volunteer' tasks like shovelling snow, serving food, cleaning up and night-time security?
Those are GREAT practice for what you'll be doing after the Conservative gov't cuts funding to the arts by 92% by 2011!!
---baD mR fRosTy

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