Beards are gross. Short and trimmed. Scruffy. Long and wild. Stubbled. Flavour-savers. Partial. 5 o'clock shadows too. Mutton chops. Chin straps. Chin curtains. Balbo... JUST SAY NO! Doesn't matter what style or colour. They are DISGUSTING! Shave it all off! Stand alone goatees and moustaches are particularly nasty. The worst offenders are those of the "designer" facial variety with very carefully shaved thin lines connecting the sideburns to any or all of the nose, cheeks and chin areas. This kind makes you look like a pedophile.

Food gets stuck in facial hair. They smell of whatever you have just eaten and breathed all over them. I would gag if one got too close to me. Just say NO and give your lover a kissable face. You might be a Rabbi or Dumbledore or Nietzsche or the guy who invented Wikipedia. You might even be a woman (but I won't go there). You can be the nicest person in the whole world (I still love you dad... ) but your beard is EWWWW GROSS!!!

---Soupy