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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Too bad you made the liquor store in time

Posted on Sun, May 3, 2009 at 11:13 AM

This heartfelt plea is inspired by a certain driver residing in the area of Prince Arthur Junior High, who discovered at approximately 2150 last night that they really needed to get something at the NSLC outlet next to the Portland St Superstore. Before she almost removed my front left corner cutting back in front of me, when she finally got a chance to pass us past Gaston Road, I was seriously contemplating planting the brake pedal. It was rather ironic that although she achieved speeds of up to 70-75 kmh on the straightaways, tailgated everyone that had the misfortune to be ahead of her, scared the f**k out of someone coming up off the Circumferential, and ignored the conventions at 3 and 4-way stops, she was stopped at every light. Which is why my partner and I arrived at the Superstore parking lot about 5 seconds after she did....

Unfortunately she made it on time, with about 2 minutes to spare. Which just goes to show she could have driven like a normal human being and still made it. And that's too bad...it would have been too sweet to see her miss the store hours by, say, 30 seconds.

For everyone like this cow, please, do me and other law-abiding drivers a favour. Spend some time some day with a stopwatch, and drive from wherever you're likely to drink yourself stupid to each and every liquor store outlet in your vicinity. Mark the elapsed times down in a notebook. Also use grease pencil to label NLT times on your kitchen clock, and set up your watch and smart phone...maybe even your calendar program on your computer. And allow for weather and traffic.

It's a win-win: the rest of us are safer on the roads, and never again will you confront the awful existential emptiness of a Sunday without that mother's milk...

---Planning Consultant for Drunks

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