Another Boring Call Center Bitch | Love the Way We Bitch

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Another Boring Call Center Bitch

Posted on Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 11:58 AM

I work at a call center. I know, I know. But you do what you have to do to pay the rent. I'm not here to bitch about rude callers. I knew what I was signing on for when I took this job. This is more of a public service announcement. After working in this industry for a couple of years, I am convinced that customer service is a myth. Customer wrangling is a more honest term for what I do. I'm sure there are exceptions, but for the most part, companies don't want to give you anything if they can avoid it. The call center system is designed to keep you, the customer, at a disadvantage. And I am trained to make/save the company money at your expense.

Having said that, I want you to know that I am secretly on your side. I do have some influence, and I can sometimes fudge little details to get you a better deal. Believe me, I am doing everything I can for you, within the narrow avenues available to me.

Remember the old adage, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Contrary to what most people seem to think, you will usually get further by being calm, reasonable, and polite, than you will by being angry and rude. If I got caught fudging the date on your proof of purchase, it could cost me my job. Why would I take that chance if you open the conversation by barking at me? You should also be aware that, while I am on your side, my manager is not. My manager is firmly on the company's side. That's why he's the manager. So demanding to speak to my manager is usually less likely to end in the outcome you want. Instead, talk to me calmly, and listen to me carefully. I will often drop little hints as to how you should answer my questions. All these calls are recorded, so I have to be careful, and you have to be attentive.

In conclusion, dear customer, I want to help you. But you have to work with me.

---Thank you for calling...

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And the best Quality Street candy is obviously…

And the best Quality Street candy is obviously…