I just literally went through 95 resumes. I converted them to different formats because the applicants apparently can't read when our website CLEARLY states "Please send your resume and coverletter in RICH TEXT FORMAT".

I heard from people who are "extemly detailed-oriented", a guy who apparently can't decide whether he's a tech or a chef, because he "marinated computer equipment", a woman who has zero experience in our industry, but wants a job with our company because she wants a discount on our products, and one applicant who said, in the first line of their coverletter "I am applying for jobs that pay better, but will take a job with you until I get an interview somewhere else.”

As much as I would LOVE to call every one of these people, and not only say “Hey, you know, you’re not what we’re looking for right now”, but “Hey – you might have an easier time getting a job if you follow instructions for applying, grammar and spellcheck your resume, and maybe gear your application to the job you want”, I can’t. I just spent 4 hours trying to get the damned things to print – HELL, I haven’t even started READING them yet! These are just the glaring things that stood out on a skim as I took them off my printer!

So next time you bitches bitch about not getting called back for jobs, and what assholes we employers are, take a freaking look at your Goddamned resume and see if maybe it’s something YOU did, you freaking whiny JACKASSES!

---Calgon, take me away!