I can see the future. Summer, 2009. I'm at the beach. Out of nowhere, I catch a glimpse of something big and red, and am quite certain that Ronald McDonald has arrived for a day at the beach. Because who, but a humanoid clown would be interested in strutting publicly in orange foam clogs?

The answer is the most depressing fashion trend of recent memories....Crocs The giant red shoes in question are being worn by a 50-something-year-old father figure. Who can be shocked when his kids tag along behind him in Crocs of their own, each one a different shade of pastel colouring.

For those who have had the good fortune to miss them, Crocs are the foam shoes that resemble the clogs my sister wore in fifth grade, cross-bred with an Ikea cheese grater. Much like William Shatner, sunburns and the common cold, I can't get away from them. People wear them at the beach, to the convenience store, and in restaurants (shouldn't there be rules against that?). Shop for milk, and there are Crocs for sale at Sobeys. Look for a birthday card for your grandma, and there are more Crocs selling at the Hallmark store next to the over scented lavender candles. I'm shocked that people are eagerly paying $35 to enrobe their feet in Crocs when they could be spending their money on more aesthetically pleasing fashion options, such as the spandex sold in the back of Parade magazine. Fuck.

Nurses, sous chefs, gardeners, children under the age of 8 and anyone with a government employee ID are apparently fine to wear Crocs. The company sold 6 million pairs last year -- that's a lot of commoners running around looking silly. Normally I'm Teflon to these fashion trends. But Crocs have stirred a rare emotion inside me, the same feeling I experience when I see people wearing sweat pants in the grocery store, punks in wife beaters or those emo kids who look like they cut their own hair.

I understand they're comfortable, but hell, I'm comfortable sitting at my computer in boxers, eating frozen dinners, reeking of last nights beer. It doesn't make it acceptable.

---Yoda!