Published November 25, 2008.Winter Lover

Should I stay or should I go to work today? The alarm goes off at 6am, I wake up to a freezing cold house, frozen pipes, so I can't shower, flush or make coffee before I head off to work. When I try to warm my blue stumpy toes; my usless, piece of shit gas stove slowly releases some obnoxious, nauseating, toxic fumes throughout my small f*kn house. Thanks for listening, I think I'll go enjoy a day at work, with my unclean body and greasy hair, so I can treat myself to a warm cup of coffee and have a poop that will actually flush. (grrrr).

Winter Lover

Published November 28, 2008.Shit filled Trails

Just got in from walking my dog at the frog pond. To all you dog owners who think that your dog`s shit is too disgusting to pick up so you`ll just leave it, to hell with you.

My responsibility as a dog owner is not only to walk/care for my animal, but to also have the respect for others by cleaning up my dogs mess when he`s done. There are 1000 things I would rather be doing, but I sure would love to take a walk with my pooch without having to play hopscotch all over to avoid shit.

With owning a pet, you take the good with the disgusting, cleaning up after my pooch is showing consideration to others who love our trails and surely shouldn`t have to look down to avoid dog shit, so take a bag, 1.00 for a box of 60 recycleable bags with you, lean down and clean up your dogs mess fucking pigs.

Who gives a shit?

Published November 28, 2008.A Dog`s Life

Took my dog for a stroll the other night, I am very concious that he doesn`t piss all over people`s lawns, I give him a little nudge to move him along. When he poses to do his dirtiest deed, I don`t do this as I think he just plain HAS to do his business. My bitch is to the trashbag who asked me, when my dog did his business by a phone pole off her apartment building property "don`t you think that is rude"? I ask you bitch, would it not be more rude for me to have left it? First, it wasn`t on your luxury suite on Williams Lake Road, second, perhaps I should have put his mess right beside your overflowing apartment dumpster that even my dog deemed as too smelly to shit by. Go clean your litter box bitch.

Who`s rude here?

Published November 26, 2008.Need it good, badly!

I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years back in July 2006. I havent had sex since 'bout that time, i know its crazy but its true! I met this guy and we went on a few dates. He gave me flowers, he paid for my drinks and he drove me home everytime. I was thinking ok thats great, but when are we gonna have sex? After the 5th date of just patiently talking with him, we finnally and I stress FINALLY have sex. He said he really liked me and he was really sweet, and he aIso told me he hadnt done it in a while. I was cool and I said I didn't either. It was absolutely the worst sex I ever had! He fell out of me 3 times during it! I was like what the fuck! Its great that your a nice guy, but its been 2 years of no dick for me, i want someone who knows what the hell there doing! Thanks for wasting my time!

Shadow

Published November 27, 2008.Red means STOP!

To the idiot drivers who turn right on reds without stopping, what the hell?!?! I've nearly been clocked 3 times in the last month by drivers not stopping at reds before turning right while walking across a crosswalk with a green light in my favor. It seems reasonable to expect that when you look left, right, left before crossing with a green light that the car you see approaching the intersection to a RED light will stop, but NO, some iodiots just cruise through without looking for pedestrians in the crosswalk. I know there are some idiot pedestrians out there too, but seriously, it seems we are not even safe in crosswalks with green lights. The LAW says you have to stop at red lights before turning right, people, so shape up!

dodging cars

Published November 25, 2008.Size 14 is not "Plus Size"

Who the hell is in charge of ordering stock for clothing stores? Why can I never find anything in my size? Why must I circle like a buzzard waiting for new stock to arrive, so I can swoop down and snag the ONLY size 14 in the entire shipment? Sale? What the hell's a "sale"? If I wait until there's a sale, I'll find nothing but a rack full of "00" and maybe the odd size 3 or 5. Who the fuck are these Auschwitz victims who wear size 00 anyway? When I took math in school, zero was as small as you could get. And logically, if you're a size zero, wouldn't that mean you don't actually exist?

Obviously, there aren't as many size 00's walking around as you think, since you always have a bin full that you can't give away. Here's a tip for you, retail store buyers: if you're out of a certain size early in the season, you need to order MORE of that size. If, on the other hand, you find yourself with a surplus of a certain size at the end of the season, you should probably order LESS of that size. I know it's complicated, but I'm sure you can get the hang of it if you put your mind to it.

And the next one of you condescending twigs that suggests "maybe you should try one of the plus size stores", is going to get a size ten boot up the ass. It's not that I'm insulted at being directed to a "fat" store. It's that the "fat" store does not have regular fit size 14 . That's because size 14 is not a "plus size", you dimwit. Have a fucking sandwich; your blood sugar is obviously low.

If I was five feet tall and a size 14, I could probably shop at the "fat" store. If I was 5'10" and size 14, I could probably shop at the "tall" store. But I am a very average 5'7", and I want to buy some goddam clothes! Why should I pay twice as much for clothes from a specialty size store, then pay more to have them tailored back to regular size, because some stupid fuckers think "00" is the norm?

Average