What the hell. I'm setting up to eat a cheeseburger from a local purveyor of frozen goods (the one on the corner of South park and Spring Garden) and lo and behold it isn't a cheeseburger but the abortion of a piece of meat that might be cat or dog...not sure, slapped between 2 drink coasters and slathered in what seems to be ketchup, maybe sadness. NO CHEESE! This was served ice cold with a side of 10 minute wait times and a "what the fuck are you doing here," ambiance. On the return trip to bring back the critterburger I ask that they serve me something, shall we say, the complete opposite of what I just received. They go in back, discuss something, and say the usual, "we'll make it all better," once they're back. What's this though? They're getting more cold fare from the same place they got it last time. They're slapping it together like it's Ike on Tina. And then what? In the Microwave. The Microwave! Now I'm not a scholar or some sort of genius but didn't I recall something about a certain food establishment serving their burgers "flamebroiled." To be honest the only time I have seen flames from a microwave was when I left a burrito in too long. Now I'll be the first to tell you I have no formal training flipping burgers or serving crap you wouldn't feed to your worst enemy after he's slept with your wife, ran over your dog and raped your goats, but I can tell you that a burger is supposed to be HOT and GRILLED! At the very least HOT! Damn even Spongebob can do it! Does that make people who can't make a burger dumber than Spongebob? I don't know but it's something to think about.

Burger Abuse