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Saturday, March 8, 2008

Dear Blue Bag Pirates

I see you trolling my neighborhood at 6 AM, your stolen grocery carts laden with envirobooty. And while I used to applaude your industriousness, I'll be fucked in the ear with a pointy stick before you get any more of my recyclables. It's not that I mi

Posted on Sat, Mar 8, 2008 at 5:15 PM

I see you trolling my neighborhood at 6 AM, your stolen grocery carts laden with envirobooty. And while I used to applaude your industriousness, I'll be fucked in the ear with a pointy stick before you get any more of my recyclables. It's not that I mind you taking them. I have neither the time, nor the inclination, nor the financial need to drag them down to the Envirodepot to cash them in myself. You would have been welcome to them. Except that I SEE you behind the Spryfield mall, with your bags and bags of booty, sorting out the refundables and dumping the rest into the MacIntosh Run. I see the bushes in the park beside my house littered with milk cartons and soup cans and shreds of blue plastic. I see the blue bags torn open at the curb, their payload of spagetti jars and margarine tubs spilling into the road. And I tell you, I did not go to the effort of sorting and washing my trash so some skeevy bum could dig out a dollar's worth of pop bottles and dump the rest in a ditch.

I even tried to help you out. I separated the refundables for you, and put them in a separate bag. And you STILL tore open my regular blue bag looking for that last nickel. Well fuck you. The next time I see you coming down my street on garbage day, I am going to throw rocks at you and drive you off like I do the seagulls.

Econazi

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