Q Down to business: Christmas came and went, and every present I bought for my extraordinary husband could be opened in front of our children. He deserves better, and I have a particular gift in mind for Valentine's Day. My husband has expressed an interest in sounding, something we've attempted only with my little finger. He seemed to enjoy it! But the last thing I want to do is damage his big beautiful dick. So is sounding a fun thing? Is sounding a safe thing? Recommendations for a beginner's sounding kit? —Safety Of Sounding
A Sounding, for those of you who didn't go to the same Sunday school I did, involves the insertion of smooth metal or plastic rods into the urethra. Sounding is sometimes done for legitimate medical purposes (to open up a constricted urethra), and it's sometimes done for legitimate erotic purposes.
So, yeah, some people definitely think sounding is a fun thing.
"But whether or not something is a safe thing depends on knowledge of the risks/pitfalls and an observance of proper technique," said Dr. Keith D. Newman, a urologist. "The urethral lining has the consistency of a stack of wet paper towels and can be damaged easily, producing scarring. And the male urethra takes a bend just before the prostate. Negotiating that bend takes talent, and that's where most sounding injuries occur."
Recreational cock sounders—particularly cock-sounding newbies like you two–shouldn't attempt to push past that bend.
"SOS's partner should do the inserting initially," said Dr. Newman, "as the bend in the urethra is easily recognized by the soundee. Once he understands the sensations, what works and when the danger areas are reached—SOS can participate safely with insertion."
And cleanliness matters, SOS. "Infection is always an issue," said Dr. Newman. "Clean is good, but the closer to sterile, the better. And be careful about fingers, since they can be more dangerous than sounds because of the nails and difficulty in sterilizing."
So for the record, SOS: The sounding you've already attempted–by jamming your little finger into your husband's piss slit–is way more dangerous than the sounding you'll be doing with the lovely set of stainless-steel rods you're getting him. Moving on...
"Spit is not lube," said Dr. Newman, who was really just warming up on the subject. "Water- or silicone-based lube equals good; oil-based is not so good with metal instruments." Using "glass or other breakable instruments" as sounds is a Very Bad Idea—Dr. Newman was pretty emphatic on this point.
Now, let's go shopping! "Choosing the best 'starter kit': Pratt Dilators are not hard to find online, are not that expensive, and will last a lifetime," said Dr. Newman.
When your set arrives, SOS, don't make the common mistake of starting with the smallest/skinniest sound. "Inserting something too small allows wiggle room on the way in and for a potential to stab the urethral wall," said Dr. Newman. "The little-finger size is usually a good starting place, since it is about the size of the typical urethra."
You can gently stroke your husband's cock once the sound is in place, and you can even blow him. Vaginal intercourse is off the table, obviously, and you might not wanna fuck his big beautiful dick with a sound until you're both feeling like sounding experts. And when that time comes: You don't have to stab away at his dick with a sound in order to sound-fuck his cock. A quality sound has some weight and heft. Hold his erection upright, slowly pull the well-lubricated sound until it's almost all the way out, then let it go. It should sink right back in without any help from you.
Finally, what about coming? Will your husband's balls explode if he blows a load while a metal rod is stuffed in his urethra? "Coming with the sound in place is a matter of personal preference," said Dr. Newman. "There is no particular danger involved."
Q My wife and I have an amazing relationship. A couple of years ago, I bought her one of those partial-body sex dolls (it has a cock and part of the stomach). We took videos and pictures a couple of times while using it. Very hot for both of us. We later got a black version of the same toy (we are white). Even hotter. I have kept the videos and pics in a secure app on my iPad. Over the past year, I have created Photoshop porn of my wife with black men using screenshots from commercial porn. My dilemma: I haven't shared this with my wife. We never discussed what to do with the videos and pics we made. I assumed she trusted me not to share these images with anyone. (I haven't and won't!) Is it okay that I have a stash of Photoshop porn of my wife fucking black men? Should I share this info–and my fantasies–with her? I've always fantasized about her being with a black man, but I'm not sure either of us would truly want that to happen. —Secretly Keeping Encrypted Porn That Isn't Clearly Allowed Lately
A You need to speak to your wife about those pics and videos, about the way you've manipulated them, and about your fantasies.
But that's a lot to lay on her at once, SKEPTICAL, so take it in stages: Find a time to ask her about the pics and videos and whether she's comfortable with you hanging on to them. At a different time, bring up your racially charged fantasies and let her know what those partial-body sex dolls were doing for you. And finally, if she reacts positively to your having held on to the photos and to your fantasies, ask her how she feels about you creating a few images using Photoshop of her hooking up with a black man for fantasy purposes only. It's a little dishonest—you're asking for permission to do what you've already done–but you'll know what you need to do if her answer is "No, absolutely not!"
All that said, SKEPTICAL, if the images you're holding on to—the originals and/or the manipulated ones—could destroy your marriage and/or your wife's life and/or your wife's career if they got out, don't wait: Delete all of those images now.
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Thank you for writing this and sharing such a momentous day!