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The city's best advice on love, sex and dating 

Lessons learned and words of wisdom, just in time for Valentine's Day.

click to enlarge Click here for all of our Sex + Dating coverage
  • Click here for all of our Sex + Dating coverage

This year our readers gave us a treasure trove of relationship advice in our annual Sex + Dating survey. So here's a small sampling, Halifax. The best guidance we can give, and the hardest lessons we had to learn when it comes to romance. Happy Valentine's Day. ❤️

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“Find someone that can support you through REALLY tough situations. That partner is worth having something serious with. Not everyone knows how to be that. Everything can be great when life is easy, but the real test is when things aren't rainbows


“For those looking for a longer-term hetero healthy relationship: start with good boundaries but be authentic and slowly show your vulnerabilities. Laugh at yourself, ask good questions and listen to the answers. Do fun and new things together. Go to individual therapy if you have a lot of shit to deal with. Apologize when you are wrong or irrational, and expect the same from your partner.”


“To my older friends (I am over 50): Get over yourself! Grousing and complaining...so many have sworn off sex. If you don't use it, yer gonna lose it, baby! Self-pleasure often. :) To my younger friends: Engage in more sensuality. Take time to drink in the essence of your lovers—incredibly fulfilling.”

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“Don't have sex/date someone because you're lonely or to fill a void. It comes back to bite you in the ass. The biggest piece of advice I have for someone is have sex when you feel the connection. I wish I had waited for that feeling because I promise that feeling will come.”


“Respect yourself and the other person. Start things off how you would want things to continue, don't be a doormat. Have more sex.”


“You are right. You love them. Or you don't love them anymore. Do with that what you will.”
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“It's okay to have emotions and express those emotions. It is okay to have sex on a first date and the person is not worth it if they scold you for doing so. I would make sure you each have your own independent lives of each other. Communicate! Go for what you want. Confidence and compassion are the sexiest qualities. Do not force a relationship and go for someone when you are truly happy with yourself.”


“Have fun, be light-hearted and open-minded to learn. Lose the judgement, labels and prejudices. Practice affection, and the art of conversation.”


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“Don't listen to anyone else. It's your body and feelings. Do what makes you happy and feel good. Someone better will come along if they are not what you want.”

“Finding love happens differently for everyone. Don't pigeonhole yourself into such a small area of what you need out of a relationship. If you're picky, you will never allow yourself to find something that is right in front of you. Not to say that you should settle, but if I had stuck with the outline of guy I thought I should be looking for, I'd still be looking for a guy in a magazine and I wouldn't have my husband. He is the one I should be with. I could've missed out on something amazing.”

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“Just let it happen, I guess. Don't stress if you've been alone for a long time. Eventually someone perfect will come along. I mean, still stay open and receptive to people, but you don't have to spend all of your time on dating apps or anything. It'll happen.”

“Be honest with your desires and feelings. As a woman, when I was younger I didn't think that I had the right to ask for what I wanted. I thought sex was about PIV and that I would take what was given to me. Fuck that. You want to be eaten out? Ask for it. He sucks at nipple play? Tell him. Coach them into being a better sex partner. You'll both enjoy it a lot more. If they can't get over their own ego to listen to what turns you on, then they are always going to be shitty in bed, in a relationship, and as a partner.”

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“Compromise may help a relationship, but don't compromise on your own needs. It's OK to be selfish sometimes. Short-term pain is always better than long-term suffering.


“Don't do anything with anyone that you wouldn't do with your partner standing right beside you. And never do anything that makes you feel less-than just to please someone else. The right person won't rush you, hurt you or make you feel small or worse about yourself. They would make you feel at your best and fearless and like you matter.”

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“Be honest, understanding and kind, and have someone who does the same. GIVE ALL THE COMPLIMENTS IN THE WORLD, ALL THE TIME. It doesn't matter if they repeat, or how often you say them, just keep making them feel like the best person in the world!”


“Wait. Take your time. The longer you wait and tease the more exciting it becomes. More does not equal better—this applies to partners and sex. Quality should be first and foremost. Respect. Respect yourself, your partner and make sure your partner respects you.”

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“Be in tune with your emotions, don't fake vulnerability or emotional connection, it will hurt you a lot!”


“Try not to judge your partner too harshly on things that don't really matter (e.g. not putting dishes in the dishwasher). Appreciate the things that you love about them more.”

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“Being in love makes the hard stuff easier and the good stuff better. When things get really hard you need to relax into it and know you just need to wait it out or work through it.”


“In a long-term relationship it's really important to keep passion in the picture; everyone wants to know that their partner still thinks they're sexy and desired.”

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“Relationships are really hard; not like the movies, there are real struggles. How you react to these struggles will decide the fate of your relationship.”

“Not every moment of a relationship is going to be like the movies. Sure there are passionate or romantic moments...but there are also boring ones or times you want to bail. You have to realize that real relationships aren't always Jack and Rose (yes..Titanic reference). Sometimes you’re Homer and Marge.”




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In Print This Week

Vol 24, No 47
April 20, 2017

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