Q I'm a straight male from southern California and I really want to be a straight male escort. The problem is the industry is shrouded with deceptive "agencies" that take advantage of the situation. Also, it's not like there's a Male Escort 101 course that I can take to learn how to avoid these traps. I don't know if you can help, but I really want to get into this industry, hopefully through a reputable agency. Do you have any advice, can you put me in touch with any male escorts (preferably straight ones) so I can pick their brains, and do you know of a reputable agency in my area?
--Seeking The Upright Deal
A "There is no gigolo industry," says Dominick, the former escort who writes Ask Dominick, an advice column for male escorts and male escort wannabes at rentboy.com, a gay escort listings site. While Dominick's column focuses on issues that gay escorts confront, STUD, it's the "Male Escort 101" course you've been looking for.
"What STUD is seeking is a fantasy---one that has been fueled by cultural products like American Gigolo and HBO's Hung," says Dominick. There are no reputable agencies in southern California---or anywhere else---that book male escorts to see female clients, just as there are no websites like rentboy.com for straight male escorts. "The fact of the matter is, almost all clients for escorts are male---whether they're looking for male, female or transgender escorts."
Dominick speaks from experience: When he was working as an escort in New York City, his ads stated that he was available for male or female clients. "Over three years, I went on exactly one call with a female client, an attractive older woman who seemed to be working through some intimacy issues," says Dominick, "and one call with a married couple for a cuckolding scene, which was initiated by the husband. During that same period, I averaged about five-and-a-half calls per week with men. That gives you a measure of the demand from female clients."
And no demand from female clients means no escort agencies or rentboy.com-style websites---at least no legit ones---for straight male escorts.
"Because there are many more men clamouring to be gigolos than there is actual demand for gigolos," adds Dominick, "shadowy scam agencies come and go, 'guaranteeing' bookings with female clients to gullible young bucks---in exchange for monthly listing fees."
Another option, is listing yourself as a "sexual healer" at a new-age site like sacrederos.com.
"That site lists male and female sexual healers, for male and female clients, for such services as coaching, tantric awakening and sensual massage. If this is a direction you are thinking about, have at it," says Dominick. "Otherwise, my advice to you is to pursue a profession with the potential to bring you into contact with a wealthy female clientele---business consultant, art handler---and be exceptionally good and loving to all the women in your life."
Q I'm a 22-year-old female and I lost my virginity in September 2011, but I had experienced everything else before that. My question is about when a guy goes down on me. How come I can never fully enjoy it? How come I find it hard to enjoy any aspect of it? Is the problem that I've never experienced oral with someone who knows what he's doing? Or is it my own mental block? What I mean by "mental block" is this: I personally think it's gross and I can't imagine why a guy would want to do that to me. So the entire time he's down there, I'm stressing out about whether he really likes it. I try to focus on relaxing and blocking those thoughts out, but in the end, I always end up pulling his head back up, since I don't see myself ever experiencing an orgasm during it and, frankly, I get bored.
Is it my mental block that's stopping me from enjoying oral? Or am I just having bad luck with guys in that area? --Erotic Anxiety Time
A The only way to determine what exactly your problem is---your pussy-paralyzing insecurities? Their pussy-disabling ineptitude?---is to work on conquering your insecurities while at the same time allowing the guy(s) you're seeing to go down on you once in awhile. If you get over your insecurities about your genitals, and then oral---even inept oral---is suddenly awesome, then the problem was your insecurities. If you don't get over your insecurities but find yourself coming like crazy with a new boy between your legs, well, then they---all the other boys who ever ate your pussy---were the problem. And it's fine for you to think eating pussy is gross. But guys who dig women, dig pussy and you don't have to like the idea of eating pussy to enjoy having yours eaten.
Q I am a 26-year-old straight girl and a virgin. I could delve into the reasons why, but I will spare you and cut to the chase: I really, really want to lose my virginity. It's driving me crazy! All I want is a safe, anonymous one-time thing so I can move on, and I'm not outgoing/flirtatious/pretty enough to meet men at bars. My question: Straight male escorts---do they exist? How would I find one? Some people were talking about escorts as an option in a recent column, and being with someone understanding, experienced and professional sounds like exactly what I'm looking for. Honestly, I've thought about this for a while. I don't think people who develop normally can understand the sort of desperation I feel. --Very Concerned About Retarded Development
A Wannabe straight male escorts exist, VCARD, as STUD's letter proves. But there aren't enough straight female wannabe clients out there to support a straight-female-specific website or agency, as Dominick's response proves. However, a lot of the male escorts on gay-specific escort websites are bisexual---some are even highly heteroflexible gay-for-pay straight guys. Spend some time on a gay escort site, and it won't be long before you run across an ad posted by a male escort who identifies as bi. He could be lying---some gay escorts will claim to be straight or bi to attract gay male clients who get off on sleeping with straight guys---so you may not hear back from the first escort you email. But keep looking, email anyone who strikes your fancy, and be up front about who you are and what you're looking for.
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, May 23/13
Is it worth righting a high school wrong, even (especially) online? Plus: I’m scared of telling my awesome new wife about my kinks. What now? comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, May 16/13
A lightning round of questions this week, hitting on cross-dressing, porn, butt plugs and drunk girls who make out with girls for the benefit of men. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, May 9/13
My husband doesn’t work, doesn’t help and doesn’t want to have sex. Should I keep trying? Plus: conservative bisexuals! comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, May 2/13
My high school sweetheart won’t date me anymore but says she may again. Should I stay or should I go? comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Apr 25/13
After a rough week, Dan turns the column over to “people who don’t really have problems,” because we could all use a break. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Apr 18/13
What to do if you’re panicking about the potential medical disaster of an uncircumsized penis. Plus: Sex on pot and becoming dominant. comments 0
Nice article and excellent points. I have known Darren for many years in the real…
Excellent article, but your definition of polyamory in the glossary misses a key defining part:…
Sounds like a great idea to collaborate and share space.