Q I am a man who tends to ejaculate prematurely. Not all the time—but at least 50 percent of the time, I'm good for two to three minutes and then I REALLY have to be careful. I've learned to manage it and work around it (like, stop if I'm too close and eat her out to give me some time to relax, et cetera), but it's still a pain in the ass. I have a theory: I am not circumcised. I know circumcised cocks are more desensitized, as they tend to rub on everything all the time. Could my problem be related to the fact that for the first 20 years of my life, the head of my cock had never been in direct contact with anything? And if not, are there tricks that exist to help me?—Unexposed Nub Could Upset Timing
A You're already doing everything premature ejaculators are urged to do, UNCUT: You're paying close attention to your arousal levels, you're being careful not to rush past the point of no return (or past the point of "orgasmic inevitability"), you're taking fuck breaks as needed and eating a little pussy (not recommended for gay premature ejaculators). Those are the "tricks that exist" to help guys like you, and it sounds like you've mastered them. And while the heads of circumcised cocks tend to be less sensitive, UNCUT, studies of men circumcised in adulthood have found no link between circumcision and premature ejaculation. Uncut guys are no more likely to have problems with premature ejaculation, and cut guys are no less likely.
Q I'm a straight, vanilla 29-year-old woman, happily married to a kinky bi guy for six years, together for 13. He is free to sleep with other men, and I consider myself GGG—turning him on turns me on. You can do the math: I married my high-school sweetheart. (It wasn't planned that way—we're not religious—we just happened to get super lucky on the first try.) My husband has a cuckold fetish, and we role-play all the time. I would really love to make this fantasy a reality! But how/where the fuck do I find someone? I don't want to pick up some random, since I want to be as safe as possible, and I haven't dated since I was 16. I feel lost. I just want to cuckold my husband! Why can't there be an app for that? —Non-Experienced Wife Begs You
A You're in luck: There is an app for married people who want to cheat on their partners—with or without their partners' permission—and I'm pretty sure you're already familiar with this particular app, NEWBY, as it's been around for a while. It's called "The Internet." This app can direct you to websites for cheaters (Ashley Madison), websites for kinksters (FetLife) and dating websites where married people in open relationships are free to advertise for new partners (OkCupid).
Q I am 62 years old, fit, handsome and intelligent. I'm also as horny as a 17-year-old. My committed boyfriend/partner/husband-to-be of 10 years is 41. I met him at a men's club when he was wearing nothing but a towel, and we had great sex. We haven't had sex since that first date. I have loved this man from that moment in the club. He is beautiful: Asian with a bit of Spanish, athletic, smart, ambitious, creative, playful—my little brown prince. He has the most beautiful ass I have ever seen. He is from a culture that is very private and puts on a happy face—always. It's hard for me to get inside and crack that stubborn nut. I would love nothing more than to make love to him. Some things are impossible to put into words, and lovemaking expresses so much. —Nine Outta Ten
A A gay dude who fucks you once and refuses to fuck ever again isn't that into fucking, isn't that into you or isn't turned on by men he actually knows. Some gay men are aroused only by anonymous sex—you know, the kind you had on your first "date." Some gay men overcome that sexual handicap, others don't. If your "little brown prince" (erm) hasn't managed to overcome it 10 years into this relationship, NOT, I doubt he ever will.
Q I have a couple of relatively close friends who prefer to use gender-neutral pronouns, which they define to be "they/them/their." Now, I wouldn't have a problem with this, and I know people will often use "they/them/their" in regular speech when they are unsure of gender or want to include all genders, but it really makes speaking English awkward; "they/them/their" are all PLURAL, while "he/him/she/her" are SINGULAR. So for instance: "My friend Chris is going to the mall. I hope they has a good time." The sentence is confusing. I'm OK with the idea of people being gender-neutral, but I also think following the rules of grammar is important, since language is probably the most important way of communicating. —Got Good Grammar
A "They" can be used as a singular pronoun—Shakespeare did it—but if it makes you crazy, GGG, there's a simple solution to your dilemma: "My friend Chris, who prefers gender-neutral pronouns, is going to the mall. I sure hope Chris has a good time."
Q I agree with your advice to SNAP, the poor guy whose wife shames him for watching porn, but there's just one little thing. I'm a porn-positive woman in my 30s. But when I was still married, my husband once got out of bed while having sex with me to watch porn. He felt himself flagging, so he switched on his computer and watched porn until he got it up again. This was not one of the countless reasons I dumped the motherfucker, but I have to say that it amounted to taking a bullhorn and yelling: "You're not sexy enough! I'd rather be sleeping with one of these porn actresses!" Is it unreasonable to ask that my partner wait with the porn until he's done with me?—Pissed-Off Romance Ninja
A Your husband's problem—your ex-husband's problem—wasn't porn. It was insensitivity. And cluelessness. And selfishness. But for the record: It is not unreasonable to ask your partner to save the porn for "alone time," PORN, and there's no excuse for cruelty and inconsideration—about porn or anything else.
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Jan 19/17
Dan tackles a few very particular and extreme fetishes, including ear sex, homelessness and suicide. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Jan 12/17
What should I tell the dancers if my junk is locked up? Plus: My straight boyfriend wants me to call him a gay slur. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Jan 5/17
Keep it subtle when you’re hiring escorts and taking your cam-girlfriend to parties. Plus: Alternative places to meet people. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Dec 22/16
Dan digs into his Christmas Spectacular mailbag to pull out some of the things he couldn’t answer live. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Dec 15/16
Searching for answers in a pre-Trump America, including tips on how to survive his presidency. comments 0
SAVAGE LOVE »
posted by DAN SAVAGE, Dec 8/16
If you’re just out of a bad relationship, here are some steps to getting back into the game of life. Plus: Dick pics. comments 0
Kudos Maggie!! xo
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